Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Training for Baby: When did you share the news?

Posted October 4, 2011

First, I wanted to clarify last week’s column “How thin is too thin?” because I noticed it created some controversy.

Like most of my columns, I write it with humor in mind. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I was just voicing my opinion about what would be too skinny for me.

If I stop eating chocolate for a month because I am afraid it will make me fat, I know that I have become entirely too obsessed with losing weight because I am denying myself something that I love. And something that puts me in a good mood!

If I can see my bones through my skin, I know that I am skinnier than I want to be. I just don’t look right when I am thinner. In high school, I was about 10 pounds lighter than I am now and people kept asking my mom if I had an eating disorder. That’s when I vowed never to lose that much weight again.

So, again I meant no harm. Just was saying what is too skinny for me! As long as you are healthy and your doctor is happy with you, then you are the perfect size!

Now, let’s talk about a happier topic: Pregnancy.

I was watching “How I Met Your Mother” a few weeks ago and Marshall and Lily were dealing with the issue of when to tell people they were expecting. It got me and my husband wondering about when to share our news – when we actually have news to share.

I’ve known couples who shared the news the minute they found out from the doctor. They were about three to four weeks along. Others have waited until the first trimester is over, just to be safe.

But who do you tell and when?

It seems to be a decision that is ultimately up to the couple.

I want those closest to me to know at the beginning because if something were to go wrong, I know they would be there for us and we would need them to be.

Moms, how long did you wait to share your baby news with those closest to you?

Kathy is a web producer, entertainment expert and concert photographer for She has written a manuscript about her life as an entertainment reporter and pop culture. Learn more about Kathy on her website. On Wednesdays here on Go Ask Mom, she's chronicling her efforts to lose weight before she and her husband start a family.


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  • unc94gal Oct 5, 2011

    With my 1st, I took the test the night before going on a business trip to New Orleans. I had only missed my period that week, so it was EARLY. Then I had to tell my mother right away because she was tagging along with me to NO and would have expected me to have some wine with her on the trip. She was a good shield around my co-workers so they wouldn't notice I wasn't touching my wine. I told the bartenders at the hotel where we were staying so they would consciously make my juice drinks look like the alcoholic ones (that was fun). It worked, and the rest of our family and friends found out a few weeks later.

    What you do for one pregnancy may not work for another. Make it fun, make it personal but don't put too much drama in it or too much pressure on yourself.

  • hodgesfour Oct 5, 2011

    We had been TTC for 2 years when we got pregnant with #1. There was no way to contain it. We would have just had to deal with telling folks if something had happened. We told family with #2 and a few people with #2 at about 6 weeks. Trickle effect took over. However, we had LOTS of support when we had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. When I got pregnant again 6 weeks later, I was too scared to tell anyone but the constant throwing up gave it away. Bottom have to do what feels right to you.

  • snowl Oct 5, 2011

    First, we never told anyone we were "trying to get pregnant". We had already been married over 2 years when we began... and kept this topic private...:) Then, after I found out for sure, I told my husband immed. of course!!, ha, and we waited about 12 weeks to tell my boss, then family and friends. (As for my boss, this was the first time his company had a woman out on maternity leave... it was a male oriented company, so it did cause me some added stress, but those days are long gone!!:) That's another topic for you!

  • pringlzspaz20 Oct 5, 2011

    Kathy--I commented last week on your article, and I wanted to thank you for your clarification today. I definitely think everyone has "too skinny" points, and I think had you said "How Thin is Too Thin FOR ME" then we would have been on the same page from the beginning.

    For today's topic--my husband and I are not quite TTC (give it another 3-5 months), but we have discussed this issue. I think we will likely tell our parents and sisters relatively early on, i.e. once we've got doctor's confirmation. However, we will ask them not to share with anyone else until we are at least out of the first trimester. This is going to be hard, because no one in my family can keep a secret at all!

  • BaseBallMommy Oct 5, 2011

    I told people as soon as I knew. And with the last pregnancy everyone knew I was pregnant when I sent the news that it was TWINS. Your friends and family would want to know so if God forbid something bad happens they can be there for you. Share wonderful news!!

  • computer trainer Oct 5, 2011

    I know someone who waited until the baby was born to tell their family. I would not recommend that.

  • murdock Oct 5, 2011

    We told my husband and my parents after we had an ultrasound when I was around 6 weeks. We told everybody else after about 13 weeks. Wanted to get through the 1st trimester.

  • Mac1 Oct 5, 2011

    Our rule of thumb - only tell people before the end of the first trimester (or after results of FIRST/NT screening) if you'd also be comfortable telling them about a miscarriage or health issues for mom/baby.

    For us, this meant telling our parents and siblings immediately, but no other family. I also told several coworkers and even a few close clients. These were the people that would need to know if something bad happened too (in general terms), as they would be the ones "picking up the slack" or "covering for me" to give me the opportunity to deal with the personal issues when/if they arose. Since my husband wouldn't need that extra help or accomodation from his coworkers (different type/style of job), he didn't tell them until the end of the first trimester.

  • erinaaronsbaby Oct 5, 2011

    The first time around, we told everyone as soon as we found out - which made it 10x harder when I miscarried a few weeks later. After that, we decided only our immediate family and VERY close friends would know initially, then once I made it past the first trimester, we told everyone else.

  • righthere1234 Oct 5, 2011

    We pretty much told our family and closest friends right away. Everyone else was kind of a trickle effect. My pregnancies were high risk so it wasn't something I could hide from my co-workers as I had a bunch of doctor's appointments in the beginning not to mention I was pretty nauseous with the 2nd baby so it was kind of obvious when I stopped eating.