Layoffs Demand Spousal Flexibility

My sister once sent me an anniversary card that showed a zany, extremely limber couple dancing. Inside it said “Flexibility is the key to a lasting relationship.” That card came during one of the layoffs that have hit my spouse or me.

Over the course of our 20-year marriage, we’ve weathered a few together. It’s not easy switching places, but across the country, professional couples who started their marriage off with both pairs of legs equally planted in the workplace and then moved toward the more traditional roles of their parents have found it financially necessary to trade places. That’s where flexibility comes in.

It’s heart wrenching to have to leave your child at home to enter an office for 8 hours of work before being able to kiss the top of his head again at night. It’s both emotionally draining and mentally taxing to be thrust into the workplace after being at home. Just as shocking is finding yourself at home with screaming kids when you’re used to managing rational beings in an office and occasionally getting some recognition for your work.

But if spouses step into their new dance and work at it for the greater good of the family, they’ll find themselves stronger as a couple and gain greater professional flexibility. For tips on re-entering the workplace and navigating a path from mommy to manager, read On-Ramping Moms. The problem is not losing your cool on a day-to-day basis and continuing to be supportive when the jobs are not out there and Cobra is taking a big bite out of your unemployment check. A new study finds that for most newly unemployed workers, keeping their family on their employer's group health coverage is beyond the reach of many, consuming 84% of the average monthly unemployment check.

No situation stays the same forever. You’ll eventually be employed again. Just hang in there for the sake of your marriage. If your spouse is at home and feeling a bit lost, try to be supportive, and make sure you reach out to your neighbors for help. A recent Duke University study shows that neighbors on the same block successfully refer jobs to one another. The study also found that job referrals were more likely to happen when neighbors had things in common such their kids’ age, their own age and years of formal education.

With 2.6 million jobs lost in the U.S. last year, the pain of unemployment—both financial and emotional— is widespread. So if you have a job, it might be a good time to start looking for one for your neighbor and being there for him emotionally too.