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7:31 p.m. • 2-12-12

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Carolina Parent

Staff members of Carolina Parent magazine provide insight, tips and suggestions on making the most of family life.

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Have the Talk: Teens, Sex & STDs

At least one in four U.S. teen girls has a sexually transmitted disease, according to a recent national study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The news is shocking. What does it mean for parents? Evidently, somewhere along the line we’re failing. After all, we’re our children’s first teachers. Either our message on abstinence isn’t getting through, or our talk on safe sex is failing on deaf ears. Or perhaps, we never had the talk.

Released earlier this month, the study of girls ages 14 to 19 found that the most common sexually transmitted disease is a virus that can cause cervical cancer and the second most common can cause infertility.

In this case, lack of knowledge or poor information can be deadly. It’s obvious that sex isn’t a topic that we can continue to ignore – as difficult as it is to discuss with our teens. And sex is apparently equally difficult for teens to bring up with adults. Consider that only about half of the girls in the study acknowledged having sex. While some teens define sex as only intercourse, other types of intimate behavior, including oral sex, can spread some infections, a fact that teens need to know.

It’s no longer enough to say, “Don’t have sex.” Evidently, it’s not working. “Just say no,” always needs to be followed up with concrete information. We have no problem telling our kids not to do drugs and warning them about specific dangers, like AIDS from the shared needles of intravenous drug users. Why not do the same for sex? Have the whole talk: Sex can mean an unexpected arrival – in the form of a child or a disease – and here’s how diseases are spread and how they can be avoided. Don’t forget that condoms can help prevent the transmission of some diseases.

No one’s talking about STDs in boys yet because they weren’t in the survey, but can they be far behind? Parents are in the best position to protect their teens. Arm them with accurate information. Tell them how prevalent STDs are. Leave your embarrassment – and theirs – behind so they have a future ahead.

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Excellent example, givemeabreak. I work in health and human services with HIV/AIDS prevention and awareness, and you have spoken eloquently about arming kids to make the right choices. I appreciate this article, and am happy to FINALLY see a more mainstream audience recognizing the importance of educating kids on the basic biology and spread of disease. For some, getting pregnant is the least concern. And with 68% of high school seniors admitting to being sexually active, it is more than obvious that abstinence education is NOT effective. If it were held to the same standards as math or science in this "no child left behind" society, it would be considered a failure. We MUST arm our children with all of the facts, not just the sterile "Don't do it" approach of abstinence. Of course, abstinence is the only 100% guarantee that pregnancy and disease won't spread ... but it's not realistic. Let's arm our children with the facts so they'll make the right choice on their own.

And while we are talking TV and commercials shoving sex in out faces. I would prefer to have sex shoved in my face instead of all of the violence. I could explain sex to my children, how do you explain violence? I have issues with that. Still do for that matter. And yes, RAPE is violence it is not a sexual act.

I tried to be honest and to give my children the facts. I also told them that while I would prefer that they wait until marriage it was ultimately their choice. And since it was their choice I would expect them to treat it in a responsible manner. If they chose to have sex I expected them to ask for birth control and while I would be disappointed I would not pass judegement on their choice. One asked for the pill at 16, supposedly because it would help her cramps, the doctors choice. So, far no pregnancies and no issues. I have daughters. And they are now young adults college educated and responsible. I think if you treat children as if they are the controlling factor and arm them with facts, they will make the best choice for themselves.

A parent can preach/teach until they're blue in the face... then TV programming and commercials shove sex in your face to sell anything from jeans to cars. You can't say, "well you should be more careful what your child watches".. I was watching a cartoon on Sat morning and saw commercials that SHOULD NOT be shown to children!! Oh yeah, the 'just use a condom' speech... I've been pregnant twice using condoms! NOTHING BUT ABSTENENCE - then MONOGAMY will keep you from getting a sexually transmitted disease... Tell that to your teen.. BEFORE he/she comes home with a broken condom... and AIDS!

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