My dear friend Jenna, who writes the blog Family Living, Hatfield Style is going to be on Dr. Phil soon talking about unethical adoption issues. She is a birthmother with an open adoption with a great family, who I've gotten to know some as well online. Jenna is frequent commenter here as well as our personal private blogs. She has been a sounding board for me in opening up our adoption. Whenever I need an alternate perspective, she gives it to me unvarnished. She is the first birthmother I knew enough to ask blunt questions. Her pain and honesty have made me consider things I really wasn't prepared to deal with in my mind.

Adoption is such a hot button issue these days - think of the cases we've had just here in the Triangle with the Needham twins abduction to Canada, the death of the adopted little boy from foster care and the death of the adopted Russian child. These cases have made people think about adoption.

In the past, the perception of birth parents was often wrong. Much of America had such a lousy opinion of birth mothers; it is getting better but people like Jenna are going really help people see birth parents in a new light. Some people harbor fantasies about birth mothers - they either want to beleive that they are a smart lovely 16 year old who make a single mistake with her nice boyfriend, or they think they are cruel, heartless and drug addicted women. Jenna is neither of those but is closer to the former as she is a wonderful woman living now a happy life. After placing her daughter, she finished college, got a good job, got married and had another child. She's a charming and smart woman who stays in touch with her daughter and adopted family. She is present in her daughter's life.

Some of the people who are against adoption rave on and on, generalizing problems in the industry as more rampant than they are. Thank goodness we don't live in a time with the true evil adoption agencies of the past that stole, coerced and did whatever they wanted with no records. However there are still cases where the agencies involved haven't handled things in a way that protects everyone's needs. And that is what Jenna is going to talk about on Dr. Phil. She is going to wow everyone and it will help really educate the general public.

I support open adoption discussions becase adoption is not perfect. Changes need to be made to several parts of the process and options made available. A woman should never be coerced into adoption. Women should have counseling offered to them, time to make decisions and access to the resources to make that happen.

However I still think adoption is good and I have faith in people that adoption can be reformed and emerge in a form to protect  threchild, birthmothers and adoptive parents alike. My adoption was ethical and I'm comfortable with how it was all handled. Everyone should have that feeling - all three members of the triad.