Sometimes I feel like this is one big roller coaster ride of up and down. I get relaxed in the middle and wham, a huge change in the ride hits me.

Her abuse is something that will never go away. I know that and I adopted her with eyes open - as open as possible for someone who didn't experience that trauma. I didn't have any illusions that all we needed was love. Oh she needs love but she needs so much more like security, therapy, experts, help and time. I know we can prove all of that but sometimes time moves too slow for me.

We had a flare up of some old issues but I caught it very quick and cut it off. I handled what had to be done. Hayley was miserable and crying her eyes out but I did what had to be done to protect her and everyone involved. It can be so hard to sort out what is normal child behavior versus behavior of someone who has been damaged by abuse. I have a great list from her therapist about normal age development and the issue did fall in that range but my radar picked up on something else and I knew I was right. You develop that sort of radar after awhile. It sucks to have but it is completely essential.

It turned out to be another good learning experience for Hayley that we love her no matter what and are here for her. Her tears were done and she was snuggled up with us, snacking on pudding and laughing. We do love her no matter what, I will never stop loving or helping this child.

We go back to the psychiatrist on Monday to address some of the medication piece that should really be able to help her handle things. We do not want her over-medicated but this is a change in direction overall. We don't make changes without a great deal of thought as well as input from all of her informal 'team' - which is everyone that interacts with her on a regular basis.

No matter what, I feel drained even if things are back on the tracks. At least Jeff was so kind about everything, he knows how much emotional impact things have on me.