An envelope came from DSS to my daughter and I was so hoping it was something from her first mother for Christmas. When you go through an intermediary, you learn to be flexible about the time frame of holidays and special occasions. Two to four weeks late can be pretty common for gifts and letters. Social workers do their best to get packages out but there is no question that they are completely swamped.

Her birthgrandmother sent her great stuff as did one of her sisters. She was thrilled with the gifts and the look on her face is as if someone turned on a light inside her. We try to do our part as well, we sent gifts to most of the circle of her first family. Nothing big, just small stuff that we felt was personal or meaningful.

I pick up the card and open it. I will open any card from DSS to her until she is older. Sometimes, things must be filtered or explained in terms she can process.

No luck. The card was a thank you note with photos from her sister for her gift. Nothing from her birthmother. This happened on her birthday last year too. She has send two letters over the past nine months so that is something positive and we are appreciative of that. But she has promised gifts that never come and that is unfair to do to a child.

My daughter waits for gifts that appear to be not coming and I know deep in her heart she grieves. When she asks me if I still write her birthmother, I tell her I do. I try not to inject to many ideas into the discussion. I let her talk and cry if she needs to do, I am there for her - present in this moment and strong enough to hear her words. I tell her how wonderful she is and about all the other people in her life who love her. I remind her that her firstmother loved her too. And that no, it isn't fair. And yes, she is loved very much.