My child had some issues to talk about recently one night in the car. She likes to talk in the car so you don't see her eye to eye but she can snuggle if she needs to - I'm notorious for pulling off the road if needed for a needed hug. She is remembering more small details about her past, some are a bit confused and merged together. Many are very hard things to hear - things I know but am still affected just to hear about them.

She told me some details I know were not true but I could easily see it was what she would have WANTED to happen. I let her dwell on that. I know she knows the truth and I know it too but her "lie" was empowering for her and at least she was able to understand what she could do if something happened ever again.

She told me the things that happened in her past were her fault and I pulled off the road at the point, to pull her up to the front in my arms, to tell her again and again the things that happened to her were not her fault. She didn't want to be held and repeated it was her fault. So I flipped the switch and said, 'Ok, it was your fault". She got feisty and told me NO it wasn't and I said why. She responded with the right answers (the details I'll skip). I smiled and told her it wasn't her fault she was failed by some of the adults in her life. She laid her head on my shoulder and we sat on the side of the road quietly, each lost in our own thoughts.

It took all my emotional energy to keep it together. I stay supportive and honest for her. I don't gloss over issues, I just try to let her get it out and be there for her. Inside I wanted to scream, to rage, to cry. I feel so many things when she unburdens herself but most of all I feel grateful. Grateful she is talking, she is feeling and she is putting things away in her head in the places they need to go. She is dealing with her past and I can only hope that means good things for her future.

I got back on the road and continued onto her to practice. I watched her playing, happy and laughing, confident in her skills and I knew in my heart we are doing right by this child and while she still has sadness and pain to deal with, she is now growing up healthy.