Tomorrow we take a big step in opening our adoption with HH's birthfamily. We are going to have a phone call between HH and her birthgrandmother. We'll be in the room with HH's therapist. The therapist will handle the actual call since her lines are blocked for privacy and we'll all talk on a speakerphone.

HH made a very cute list of things to talk about, topics under a YES or MAYBE category. She was trying so hard to think of things to ask her birth grandmother when I told that she really just wants to talk to you and learn what you are up to. HH was a bit more relaxed over that idea.

This is part of our baby steps plan to build trust and open this adoption as much as possible. I'm scared but it is what HH needs and wants. Opening up our lives to the people that were involved, even if just peripherally, in the chaos of her past frightens me. We have tried to envelop her with love and

We all had a very good, honest discussion about where things are, the phone call tomorrow and contact with her family. I'm not going to write it all out but we made some amazing progress. She understands the plan for contact with her family and Jeff & I are no longer the bad guys - finally! She gets we are working hard on this and how it will happen. We talked about baby steps and trust.

Her birthmother sent some late Christmas presents and Valentines Day stuff which opened up some issues for HH this weekend and it all sort of tied into this phone call. Some of the things in the letters weren't healthy and I had to edit them slightly when I read them to HH. I don't think her first mom means to say some of the things the way she does.

At one point HH told me she was smart and she wasn't going to be stupid like her birthmother - her birthmother started this in a letter to HH about finishing school and making something of herself as she didn't. I immediately told her that her birth mom wasn't stupid at all but that she didn't have the support HH does. We talked about the opportunities HH has and how it was sad that G didn't get those. HH really understood and told me she hopes her birthmother can give those to her youngest sister, who lives with her first mom (the middle daughter was adopted as well.).

I feel like I'm really making progress on helping HH put everything in its proper place in her mind.

It all ended with HH hugging me and telling Jeff that I was telling her about her birthfamily who we all loved. I was so happy that she understood that and I'm really hoping it translates well to tomorrow's phone call.