Things have been calmer than I expected as of late in our house. The weather has made everyone cranky I think but Hayley has had lots of friends over to play with - we even made a very hysterical music video when she had a sleepover Friday night. This is such a fun age, she is up for almost everything. She buys into whatever is on the agenda. The video was so bad it was charming. Sleepovers are a good chance for me to gauge where Hayley is in terms of development and demeanor. It was funny to have two kids whining for things, so I know that is age appropriate. She's doing just fine - still a bit crankier than your average kid, but I'm crankier than your average chick.

We are really seeing her new medicine make an impact. She is happier (despite the crankiness comment from above) and she is able to disenage from fights much quicker. She has been to timeout twice in two weeks - a major miracle! Bedtime is much easier too, she asking to go to bed because she is tired pretty regularly....

My dear friend Jenna, who writes the blog Family Living, Hatfield Style is going to be on Dr. Phil soon talking about unethical adoption issues. She is a birthmother with an open adoption with a great family, who I've gotten to know some as well online. Jenna is frequent commenter here as well as our personal private blogs. She has been a sounding board for me in opening up our adoption. Whenever I need an alternate perspective, she gives it to me unvarnished. She is the first birthmother I knew enough to ask blunt questions. Her pain and honesty have made me consider things I really wasn't prepared to deal with in my mind.

Adoption is such a hot button issue these days - think of the cases we've had just here in the Triangle with the Needham twins abduction to Canada, the death of the adopted little boy from foster care and the death of the adopted Russian child. These cases have made people think about adoption.

In the past, the perception of birth parents was...

Sometimes I feel like this is one big roller coaster ride of up and down. I get relaxed in the middle and wham, a huge change in the ride hits me.

Her abuse is something that will never go away. I know that and I adopted her with eyes open - as open as possible for someone who didn't experience that trauma. I didn't have any illusions that all we needed was love. Oh she needs love but she needs so much more like security, therapy, experts, help and time. I know we can prove all of that but sometimes time moves too slow for me.

We had a flare up of some old issues but I caught it very quick and cut it off. I handled what had to be done. Hayley was miserable and crying her eyes out but I did what had to be done to protect her and everyone involved. It can be so hard to sort out what is normal child behavior versus behavior of someone who has been damaged by abuse. I have a great list from her therapist about normal age development and the issue did fall in that range...

New Year's is usually a low key thing here. For the past six or so years, I've been working at a three-day basketball tournament between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Three days of 12 hour days and six or seven basketball games back to back will have me running on empty.

So curled up on the couch last night on New Year's Eve we sat down to touch base with some of our extended family. We had calls to return and make, so we hit speakerphone and got out our call list. Between going to Disney for a week, the holidays and the basketball tournament, we had been gone more than we'd been in it felt like!

We spoke to both of Hayley's grandmothers and one of her aunts on her birthfamilies' sides. We missed talk to them after Christmas due to scheduling and then being gone, so it was very important to talk to them and she enjoys it.

One of Hayley's grandmothers asked if she could three-way call in her birthdad. I froze for a minute. It wasn't something I was ready...