What's on Tap

What's on Tap

LEGO Ninjago Movie only exists so you'll buy stuff

Posted September 21

LEGO Ninjago Movie

— You all seemed to really enjoy the way I involved my wife in my review of IT. This week, I am reviewing the LEGO Ninjago Movie. I hated it. It isn’t even a movie. It is a 90 minute commercial.

My 6-year-old son Aaron, however loved it. So this week, I thought we would keep the family tradition alive and do another Q & A style review. Enjoy!

DEMETRI: Who did you like about the Lego Ninjago movie, pal?

AARON: I liked the Legos. They were cool.

D: Yeah, I think that’s what they want you to say.

A: The dragon was cool. Can you buy me the dragon mech?

D: No.

A: Awwwwww. Why not?

D: You just got an iPad for your birthday. We can download a Ninjago app if you’d like.

A: But it’s not the same. Please? I’ll let you build it for me!

D: That’s not the strong selling point you think it is.

A: I just want some more Ninjago guys and I want Garmadon because of his arms.

D: The bad guy with four arms?

A: He was silly.

LEGO Ninjago Movie

D: Yeah, but didn’t he just sound like Lego Batman?

A: Was he Lego Batman?

D: No, Batman wasn’t in this one.

A: Nooooo! Daaaady! I mean in real life is Garmadon also Lego Batman?

D: Oh. No. Lego Batman is a guy named Will Arnett. Garmadon is a guy named Justin Theroux.

A: Theroux is a funny name. It sounds like robot.

LEGO Ninjago Movie

D: Did you notice how bad the story was? It was like Star Wars but worse.

A: Everything is worse than Star Wars.

D: Good boy!

A: Did you not like the movie because you don’t like Legos?

D: I don’t mind Legos.I just think this was the worst of the Lego movies.

A: I don’t.

D: That’s fine. You’re six.

A: Did you like the movie at all?

D: I liked the Michael Strahan Lego guy. He made me laugh.

A: I don’t know who that is.

LEGO Ninjago Movie

D: That’s fine. I also liked the part where a kitten came and destroyed the city.

A: [read this line like you were saying it to a dog] That kitty looked like my kitty but when she was a baby.

D: She did. I liked that too. It’s weird how much work Jackie Chan is getting these days. Also, why did he carve a wooden Lego?

A: I don’t know who that is.

D: The old man in the beginning.

A: Oh.

D: Is there anything you didn’t like about the movie?

A: When you were mean to me.

D: When was that?

A: Daddy, remember? I said I wanted Starburst and you said 'no?' And then I said I wanted Dr. Pepper and you said 'no?'

D: Yeah. It was 9:30 in the morning.

A: That’s what I didn’t like. It made me sad.

D: Oh stop. We went out for chicken fingers after and I let you get a milkshake.

A: [angry grunt]

Demetri Ravanos is a member of the North Carolina Film Critics Association and has reviewed movies for Raleigh and Company, Military1.com and The Alan Kabel Radio Network.


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