Why are we so quick to look to the future? In the last couple of weeks, I have had multiple people ask or say to me "when are you having No. 2?" Or "now's a good time to start working on the second baby."
This is my personal favorite, after they've seen how active my 20-month-old is "he's moving out for baby No. 2."
Yes, my husband and I have talked about having another baby. Yes, I have a little bit of baby fever after seeing multiple friends get pregnant and have new babies in the new year. But no, I'm not ready to a) discuss my reproductive organs or health with you and b) have a second child.
I love the idea of expanding our family. I want my son to have siblings to look out for and play with. But I still have the newborn memories and those are keeping a newborn reality from coming to fruition.
I remember the multiple middle of the night feedings. I remember the exhaustion. I remember feeling like I was tethered to this eating and pooping machine. I remember changing my plans to conform to the baby's eating or sleeping schedule. I remember hauling a gigantic diaper bag around whenever I wanted to go somewhere.
I don't want it to sound like I hated those first months of motherhood. I didn't. Some of the bad memories are also my favorite. During those middle of the night feedings, I got to tell my son wonderful stories about his family and bond with him. I felt empowered knowing this body that God created was responsible for nourishing and protecting my baby boy.
My son is 20 months old. He's extremely active and a little selfish. He likes being the center of attention. He loves playing outside and going on trips and car rides with just mom and dad.
Right now, he's also testing his limits. Most parents know that means testing your patience and nerves. I'm OK with that. I understand it's a part of growing up and his development. When I start to think about another child entering the mix, it gets scary. I'm exhausted after a day with my son. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I had to chase him around and care for an infant.
For right now, I will enjoy being a mother of one. I will embrace all of the special moments between just the two of us. When the time comes, our family will expand, but I won't be the one pushing for it. So please don't push me either.
Kianey is the mom of one and a WRAL-TV morning news producer. She writes monthly for Go Ask Mom.