If you're doing one of these 5 things, you're emotionally DAMAGING your husband
Posted August 1, 2016
Can an emotional abuser change? Yes.
What if she doesn’t know she is abusing her husband? Then, it is a little harder.
Nothing is more damaging to your self-esteem than being emotionally abused by the one you love. You have trusted that person with your life, and now they seem to be taking over and controlling your every move.
Often this type of abuse is done by accident, which makes it even harder to repair. To cope with the abuse, the abused develops their own coping mechanism or stays in a state of denial until it is too much to bear.
Wives can emotionally abuse their husbands without even realizing it. Read these five things that cause an emotionally damaged husband to see if you are an abuser.
1. Disregard his opinions, ideas and needs
You think his ideas are subpar compared to yours and you do not shy away from telling him. This is a sign you are abusing your husband’s emotional needs. Making him feel like a less-than-equal part of the relationship will affect his daily motives. You may notice him pulling away when expressing his feelings because he has discovered you do not care what he actually thinks — you only pretend to care.
If you expect him to tell you everything, then let him. Listen to him. Remember his opinions will differ from yours and that is a good thing.
2. Give subtle ultimatums
Small threats and negative remarks used to get your way leave your husband feeling like you have made an ultimatum with him. Being in an ultimatum is emotionally traumatizing and can leave you feeling like there is no hope and that you are stuck.
No one wants their spouse to feel this way, but it happens unintentionally. Saying you need him to do this, he has to eat that or he can’t go do such and such unless he does what you say puts him in a tough spot. He feels disobeying you will lead to severe consequences.
Avoid this dangerous phase at all costs.
3. Demand control over the finances
It's common knowledge that money is one of the biggest causes of marital disputes. In your relationship you may have decided that you are going to be the one keeping track of the monthly budget. This is a great plan, unless you have decided that it means you are in control of where the money goes.
If you are making all the decisions yourself, then you are telling your husband that, while he works hard to provide for your family, you are ultimately the one with the most power.
Create equal control between the two of you when it comes to finances. Decide together how much you will put into savings, retirement, etc.
4. Blame others and refuse to apologize
Even if you aren’t blaming your husband, constantly hearing about how all of your problems are your mom’s, coworker’s, friends and kids’ fault is going to drive your husband crazy.
He knows you aren’t perfect; why pretend like you cannot make a small mistake? Acting like this makes it difficult for him to be around you. You likely deny any advice he tries to give, which leads him to apologize for your problem.
A happy marriage is when two imperfect people work together to reach a common goal. Making mistakes and apologizing is an essential part of that process.
5. Stop trying
Every day you learn new things about your husband and your relationship with him. The longer you are together, the more flaws you discover. Be careful not to get to the point where you don’t even try to empathize or show compassion for him because you think it’s just too hard.
Remember, although you have found more faults, you have also discovered so many more strengths and positive qualities. He is driven, loving and brave. He's a terrific father and knows exactly what to say to cheer you up.
Forgetting all of his wonderful qualities and giving up deteriorates the love he has developed for you. It also brings feelings of unworthiness and guilt.
You will not change your habits unless you recognize them and what they are doing to your husband. Be honest with yourself and stop the abuse so you can begin to heal as a team. This first step is frightening, but it is essential for the happily-ever-after you are trying to achieve.
Tana is a student with a passion for words. She believes that written words can touch people in ways unimaginable. In her spare time she enjoys singing, hiking, cuddling in a fuzzy blanket, and spending time with her friends and family.