How to revive your unhappy marriage
Posted March 16
No young couple thinks that someday they'll be unhappily married. But at some point, many married couples find that their relationship isn't as happy as it once was. They let distance come between them, their marriage goes stale and before you know it they decide it is better to stay apart.
To make matters worse, couples choose to stay silent about the growing distance between them. They either feel that the conversation isn’t worth having and remain in unhappy marriages, or they just stop trying and decide to separate.
But before you make such a rash decision, honestly ask yourself what you’ve done to revive your stale marriage: Have you put in enough effort to change things around?
If you haven’t, you can start by doing these things:
1. Don’t take each other for granted – show appreciation
Showing appreciation could be anything from saying "thank you" for the small things your partner does, or reminding your darling how important they are to you.
Next time your husband comes back exhausted from a long day at work, how about you surprise him with tickets to the game? Or when your wife finally lays down in bed after she tucks the kids in, tell her how much you appreciate what she does and treat her to a spa day.
It doesn't take a lot of time and effort to let your partner know they are still on your mind.
2. Break the rut you’ve gotten into
Whatever routine you two have gotten yourselves into, stop it now. Do something different and reconnect with your partner.
Once a month (or more), get a sitter for the kids and have a date night. Ladies, pop on a dress that wows your man. Men, make sure you look dapper to let your woman know you care, too.
3. Don’t bottle up emotions – communicate and solve problems
That growing distance between you and your honey is because you've both chosen to live in silence. But bottling up your emotions and avoiding discussions only causes more problems.
You have to resolve conflicts before you can change and move in the right direction. Choosing not to bring something up because you're worried about how your partner will react is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If your partner isn't aware of your feelings, how can you expect them to fix what is bothering you?
If you can't communicate by yourself, work with a marriage counselor or therapist to help you be more vocal about your emotions.
4. Learn to disagree happily – you don’t always have to have the last word
We all know at least one couple that bickers back and forth. I’m not talking about the cute couples that may bicker constantly but it’s obvious that they are deeply in love. I’m talking about those that bicker, throw sarcastic comments and roll their eyes at each other.
You are two different individuals; yes, you have different opinions, but you don't need to argue about it for hours. Fighting back and forth just increases frustration and always escalates into a fight.
If you and your spouse both have strong personalities, disagreements can turn into serious fights. In couples where one partner is more submissive, the dominating partner usually gets the last word at the expense of their partner.
Neither situation creates a happy marriage.
Next time you get into a disagreement, take a second to think about whether it is an argument worth having. If you find that the both of you aren’t going to agree, then accept it peacefully and move on. No good is going to come from staying angry about it. Learn to let go of the little things for a happy relationship.
5. Don’t be complacent with lack of intimacy
An emotional disconnect between couples plays a big role in the bedroom. Other couples feel like they are no longer attracted to their partners. Women’s bodies specifically undergo a lot of changes during the course of marriage due to pregnancy and childbirth and many men are put off by these changes.
Getting back that physical attraction will help bring intimacy back into your marriage. Pledge to stay fit and healthy if you feel you've let yourself go.
Sexual rejection is another problem couples face in marriage. If for some reason your sexual drive has deteriorated, consider seeing a physician for help. Your marriage requires some form of intimacy to keep it healthy.
Suffering in silence is toxic for any relationship. Don’t think of how things were and how they have changed. Instead, focus on how to make things better. No one said marriage was going to be easy — put in the effort, support one another and make it last.
Zyana Morris is a passionate health and lifestyle blogger who loves to write about prevailing trends. She is a featured author at various authoritative blogs and currently blogging for Centra Care Florida, a Tampa urgent care center.