How to rekindle the spark and keep the fire burning after kids come
Posted January 31
Losing your love life in the whirlwind of family is so easy. It is challenging to remember your role as a loving wife when you’re busy being mom. But don't lose that spark! If you don’t remember the last time you felt butterflies here are some tips and tricks to make your marriage exciting again:
Shave your legs
After having a child, your belly hangs over the waistband of your pants, cellulite dimples across your thighs, your breasts sag and stretch marks slither around your stomach. It takes time and more energy than you have to get into shape. Your husband agreed to love you through all phases of life when he married you, so get over it.
Shave your woolly mammoth legs. Make up your face and wash your hair. Start fixing yourself up so you feel better about yourself. If not for yourself, than for your husband. He may not care if you are always dolled up, but he will notice if you start making an extra effort. Doing something simple like shaving your legs will let him know you are open to him and his affections.
Make time for each other
Even though mom is juggling kids and dad is slaving at work, making time for each other is still important. Spending time as a family is crucial to creating a happy and healthy family; however, spending alone time with your spouse is equally important. Find a babysitter and go on a date. Babysit for a close friend so they'll do the same for you, and lean on family members for free babysitting so you and your spouse can actually date.
Quality time can also be simple, like curling up on the couch to together after the kids go to bed. It’s important to talk about your kids, but find other things to talk about, too. Establish a meaningful relationship outside of your kids to keep your marriage alive.
Have a bed time
Get those kids to bed and stick to your bedtime routine. Let your kids know you mean business. If you didn’t start doing this from when they were young, start now. Having a bedtime routine will allow you to get things done so you and your husband can spend a little time to spend together. It also helps your kids too — routines provide a sense of security and comfort.
Spend time apart
Give each other a night off once in a while to go out with friends or to run a few errands alone. This will allow you to breathe and realize how grateful you are for your spouse and all that they do for you.
Be intimate between the sheets
If you wait until you have time to be intimate, it will never happen. You have to make time — never underestimate the importance of sex in your marriage. It is not just to make babies but to bring you closer as man and wife.
Never stop flirting. It can be a flirty text, a playful look across the dinner table, a steamy smooch as you head to the shower or a dance in the kitchen while fixing dinner. Remind each other why you ever fell in love.
One of the fastest ways to rekindle the fire is to find that chemistry and compatibility you had before kids. Find the little things that mean a lot. It can be a soft touch, a 30 second neck rub, a note on the fridge or a kiss on the cheek. It doesn’t need to take an hour, it just needs to be there.
Get rid of the TV
Various studies have shown that couples with televisions in their bedroom have less sex than those those that do not. TV is often a mood killer, so get rid of it. There needs to be a safe place where the two of you can talk and be intimate without distractions.
Kiss in front of the kids
Don’t be afraid to show appropriate intimacy in front of your kids. It allows them to observe a healthy relationship and how it works. Not to mention, it gives you a chance to let your spouse know that you love them.
Putting your relationship with your spouse first helps the relationship with the kids and family fall into place. It creates a sense of security for everyone else. If mom and dad kissing is something your kids are used to seeing, it will be an “aww” moment instead of an “eww” moment.
There are enough things keeping you from each other (kids, work, chores, etc.). Don’t add another to make things more complicated and harder than they already are. Avoid unnecessary distractions like media and gossip that keep you from the thing that is truly important — your marriage.
Fantasize about your lives together and what you want to do or work towards. Keep making goals individually and together. If you don’t dream it, you won’t do it. Create a bucket list separately and together like “top 20 things I’d love to do before 50.”
Rekindling your spark for a love filled marriage doesn’t have to be anything big or grandiose. You just have to do it. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that make the biggest difference. Run your fingers down your husband’s arm or steal quick kisses when you pass each other. These small and simple things will remind you how much you love him and will let him know how much you care.
Kristina Tieken is a publics relations specialist with a love for the fine arts, food and exercise. She enjoys spending time with her husband and family.