How to overcome fear of marriage after two divorces
Posted May 24, 2016
We all know how painful a divorce can be. Even if you were the one that took the first step towards this decision, it still leaves us with a broken heart, a feeling of failure and with our romantic thoughts crushed away. So imagine how the effects of it can double after a second divorce, as you have decided to give love one more try, and it still didn’t work out (again).
And yet, you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone. You want to find that perfect man who will grow older by your side and support you when you need it. If it all sounds familiar to you, keep reading this post to find out how to overcome the fear of marriage after two divorces, and give someone else the chance to make you happy.
Tip # 1: Stop trying to predict the future
You have been through two divorces, and you see plenty of people getting divorced around you – let alone all unhappy couples forcing themselves to stay together for countless reasons. And you think that remarrying is just a bad move; that the only certain thing is that you will end up divorced for the third time.
But the truth is that you can’t predict the future. There is no way for you to know if you are going to be happily ever after this time, or if the lovely man you are considering as your next husband is just another frog on the road.
So, stop trying to become a fortune teller, give yourself a chance to be happy, by focusing on finding good reasons to give marriage another shot instead – if you are that good at making predictions, you are better off guessing the lottery numbers for sure.
Tip # 2: Let the past go
Would you like to be constantly compared to your boyfriend’s ex? How unfair does it sound to you? So why do you think you have the right to say that this man is going to do exactly what your ex did to you?
If you think you are under some kind of curse so that all men end up cheating on you, for example, you should start realizing that it must have something to do with the way you behave when in a relationship, not the other way around — you are the only constant variable on this Math, right?
So leave your baggage somewhere you can’t find it, and let the past go. Bring forgiveness to your life, keep your heart open and make sure that there is free and clear space available for a new love and marriage.
Tip # 3: If it feels right, do it
You are in love; you both seem very happy together, and staying away from each other has become a torture. You are both doing well money-wise, your private lives are all settled, and you are considering marrying him. So, why not?
If it feels right, just do it, really. You are an adult and should know what is best for you at this stage. And you probably are well aware that the only thing stopping you from tying the knot again is fear, as you know that you have no logical reason not to do it - remember: fear is not based on facts, but on assumptions. So what are you waiting for?
There is not a single a rule or a checklist to help you out here. You will have to trust your guts, and live with your decision. You will need to understand what is prompting those feelings, sure. But, what is best, to regret for not marrying, or for having tried and failed?
If you are sitting there waiting for someone who will blow your mind in a way that you won’t feel a bit of fear, this is will be a very long wait. It is only natural that, after two divorces, your red alert is always on, and that you keep overthinking the idea of remarrying again – so no need to blame yourself here.
On the other hand, don’t let fear dictate your life. If your heart and brain tell you that this is the right man and the right time, go for it with all of the trust that you can manage. The only way to know if you have made the right decision is by giving it a try.