Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

How to Help: Tips to help domestic violence victims

Posted June 17, 2014

Domestic Violence

As you might be able to tell, we have a campaign here to raise awareness about the important topic of domestic violence.

Last year, 108 women and men died in domestic violence-related homicides in North Carolina, according to the N.C. Department of Justice. In the last six years, including 2013, 679 people have been killed in the state because of domestic violence. Those victims are people's children, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers. They are dreams and lives cut short.

But those numbers don't include the millions of other people who are victims of domestic violence here and across the country. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. About 1.3 million women, who account for 85 percent of domestic violence victims, will be physically assaulted by an intimate partner each year.

There's a chance that you might know somebody who needs help. I checked in with the N.C. Coalition Against Domestic Violence to find out more about how we all could help a friend or family member who is a victim of domestic violence.

Here's what the group shared: 

1. Acknowledge that they are in a very difficult and scary situation, be supportive and listen. 
Let them know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure them that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there. It may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse. Let them know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen.

2. Be non-judgmental.
Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. They may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize their decisions or try to guilt them. They will need your support even more during those times.

3. If they end the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. 
Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. They will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.

4. Encourage them to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family. 
Support is critical and the more they feel supported by people who care for them, the easier it will be for them to take the steps necessary to get and stay safe away from their abusive partner. Remember that you can call the hotline 1-800-799-SAFE to find local support groups and information on staying safe.

5. Help them develop a safety plan. 
Check out our information on creating a safety plan for wherever they are in their relationship — whether they’re choosing to stay, preparing to leave, or have already left.

6. Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. 
Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Call us at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to get a referral to one of these programs near you. Offer to go with them. If they have to go to the police, court or lawyer’s office, offer to go along for moral support.

7. Remember that you cannot "rescue" them. 
Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately they are the one who has to make the decisions about what they want to do. It’s important for you to support them no matter what they decide, and help them find a way to safety and peace.

For more resources, go to the Coalition's Enough NC campaign.

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