How to have more fun in your marriage

Posted June 28

There are so many things that compete for your time that it seems there is little time to enjoy each other’s company. Here are a few suggestions to help. (Deseret Photo)

One of the reasons we get married is that during our courtship we enjoy being with each other. When we are apart we look forward with anticipation of being together. We look for every opportunity to be together.

Our time during courting was filled with fun and excitement and it continued into the early portions of our marriage. Then life began to close in. The demands of a job, having children, possibly schooling, serving in your community or church, staying close to family and friends, and the list goes on. There are so many things that compete for your time that it seems there is little time to enjoy each other’s company. Here are a few suggestions to help:

1. Make time to have fun

Fun does not just happen. You must make time for it. When clients are asked, “What do you two do for fun?” A high percentage of the couples answer that they do nothing for fun. That means they expect it to just happen and yet do not put forth the effort to create it.

Make time by setting a regular date night (once a year is not regular). Do everything you can do to make that night a priority. If your finances are tight, have an at-home date night. Just do it, regularly.

2. Alternate who chooses what you’re going to do

When each spouse has an opportunity to choose the activity then both will get their needs met. Many times the choice will be something that both enjoy; however, there may be times when the activity is enjoyed by one spouse more than the other. When this happens, decide to enjoy your mate’s enjoyment because you enjoy being with her or him. As you do this for each other, you will foster a deeper love and respect in your marriage.

3. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things

We often get comfortable in doing the same things over and over. In other words we get into a rut that can eventually get boring. Become adventuresome and look for new places to go and see. Maybe it’s a new restaurant, a new type of play, an opera, a musical concert or driving to a place you haven’t seen. There are endless possibilities. Variety is said to be, “the spice of life.” This also means that you may find some things that you don’t like and this too is part of the journey. As you explore together you develop an expanded history that adds a deeper meaning to your marriage.

4. Choose to have fun and be fun to be with

Personal choice is one of the greatest things that we have as an individual. At a National Speakers Association convention, one of the speakers was a paraplegic who had both hands burned off. During his talk he said that he used to have unlimited number of things he could do and now he could only do five thousand things. We each must choose who we are, who we’re going to be, and what we’re going to do with what we have.

Being happy and being pleasant to be around is a personal choice. When the couple chooses to have a happy marriage, together they will find the way even during the hard times. Sometimes all we can do is find little pockets of happiness that carry us through to greater times of happiness.

This is but a small list of the things that you can do to find greater happiness in marriage. What things can you add to the list that applies to your marriage?

Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships. See their new .99 e-book "Wake-Up Call: What Every Husband Needs to Know" on Their website is


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