How often should you have sex?
Posted May 5, 2016
You’ve heard the more sex, the better.
Not completely true.
So how much sex do you need for a happy marriage? A recent study found some interesting discoveries. Read what these experts say when it comes to the right amount of sex – and how to get it:
Enough sex is more achievable than you may think
Studies have shown for a while that couples who have sex frequently are reportedly happier than those who don’t. But what does frequently mean?
Psychologists at the University of Toronto discovered that couples who have sex once a week are happier than those who have it less often, but the benefits leveled off there. A couple who has sex four times a week is not any happier than those making it a weekly date.
So, relax. You don’t have jump on the trendy “have sex every day” bandwagon.
It’s not about the number
If you’re not having sex once a week, and you’re both happy – wonderful! No need to put stress on a number when something’s already working for both of you.
“Certainly there are couples for whom having sex less frequently will be fine for their happiness,” said Amy Musie, a postdoctoral researcher studying sexual relationships, in an interview with CNN. “And there are couples who will get increases in happiness if they have sex more than once a week."
Don’t obsess about the exact number. Experiment and figure out what’s best for you and your sweetheart.
Why is it so hard to talk about?
The honeymoon phase of a relationship is anywhere from 18 months to three years. During that wonderful googly-eyed phase, your off-the-charts hormone levels make it easier to talk openly to your love about sex, according to a Wall Street Journal article.
But then life sets in. Parts of us are hidden. Past hurts have been buried. Sometimes we fear intimate discussions will bring unwanted moments to the surface again.
This could be the most useful article of your life
You now have an easy way to bring up a conversation about how frequently you would like to have sex with your spouse. Gently mention this article, and it can springboard into a topic that can otherwise be awkward to initiate.
Don’t talk about sex right after it’s happened
If you’re unhappy about your romantic life, don’t discuss it while in bed – especially after you’ve been intimate.
“It's when we're at our most vulnerable,” said Chicago sex therapist Kimberly Sharky to Women’s Day.
Your bed should be a safe zone. Try instead to bring it up by taking a walk, going to a restaurant or bringing it up while washing dishes together.
Scheduling doesn’t have to be boring
Scheduling sex might not be the right thing for you, but it may actually be far less boring than you are anticipating.
“For some couples, scheduling sex works really well, it gives them something to look forward to, they like the anticipation, they like feeling prioritized,” Vaness Marin, a Berlin sex therapist, said to CNN.
Look for the little changes
Are you sleeping in the same bed? Are you sharing a bed with your kids or a pet? Do you hug your wife regularly just because you love her? Or reach for your husband’s hand during a movie? Those are little things that make a big difference.