guccilittlepiggy's blog

adoption is the best option

 abuse

Or is it?

In a world of pro-choice versus anti-choice debate, it’s difficult not to think of one’s own situation and the implications in your own life. Because the debate is often peppered with discussion of the benefits of adoption, I decided to really examine that option.

For the record, I am adopted. I was born in 1970, so at that time, abortion was not a legal option for women. To terminate a pregnancy, your only choice was to visit a back alley abortionist who more than likely would kill you, infect you with some type of disease or destroy any chance you had of ever giving birth again. Not surprisingly, I have found that many of my friends (roughly the same age) are also adopted. I have often joked that I seem to have some kind of attraction device built in me which makes me find other adoptees.

Many time the debate centers on the mindset that giving a baby up for adoption is the better option. An abortion will destroy you, and you will live to regret it the rest of your days. At least if you give the baby up, you gave it the precious gift of life and some family was able to realize their dream of motherhood and fatherhood. The child is grateful it wasn’t butchered and some nice family wanted them.

Oh really?

I have the benefit of having my birth mother in my life. I have also met many women who made the decision to give up a baby. As I previously mentioned, I know many people who are adopted. The evidence is not as positive as you might think.

From the birth mother’s perspective, I have seen women who never ever get over giving up a baby. My birth mother, forty years after the fact, still cries if we discuss it. I had a friend whose child found her…she was devastated at reliving the pain all over again - She's in her 60's!

From an adoptee’s perspective, it is not so easy either. I remember when I found out I was adopted. Unlike the anti-choicers wish to believe, my first thought was NOT “wow, I’m glad someone loved me and wanted me and I wasn’t aborted! Yea!” My first thought was, “wow, why didn’t they want me?”

I have seen this reaction over and over and over.  Conversely, I have seen women make the very difficult choice to end a pregnancy, and while it is painful, one tends to recover faster and goes on to have healthy babies at the right time for all concerned.

I admire those who have the ability to give a baby up, but I do not think it benefits anyone (except adoptive parents, of course) to force a woman to have a baby she does not want and then put her in the position of giving it up. I know for me personally, I could not have lived with it, so it was never an option for me. With that said, many women keep babies they do not really want, and ultimately, everyone suffers.

Thoughts?

Filed under: Family