for justin: blog 
for justin's blog
watching your child suffer with medical,mental and emotional issues..
by sherryberryPublished Mar. 20, 2009
Views: 258
I think the worse thing for me (other than knowing my son could be gone at anytime) is watching him go through not just the medical, but the mental and emotional parts of all of this. I know how I feel and hust, but also how im scarred I am, so it hurts to know what it is like for him.
I lost part of my son 2 and a half years ago to this disease and I know I will never get that part of him back again. Thats hard, because I miss that part of my son. There are times when I can look at him and he is a million miles away and you know where he is and what he must be thinking. Some days are way worse than others.. I got him in counseling when we were told he was Stage 5 and it wasnt something he wanted to continue doing. I can understand where he feels no one can imagine what its like for him on a daily basis. I know what its like as a mother watching him just deteriate right before your eyes..
I can look at Justin and tell when he is feeling bad, he will tell me and the doctors he feels fine. But his face and body, as well as his labs tell a different story.. He thinks he hides it very well and puts on a good front aroung people, but a mother knows.. He is ashamned that he has this disease, there is nothing he can do about it... Ive tried to tell him it is not his fault... He will tell you straight up that he does NOT want anyone feeling sorry for him or want anyones pitty.. He doesnt tell people he meets about his situation when he meets them because he doesnt want them to be his friend because they feel sorry for him. I do not blame him for that.
I wish there was something more I can do for him... He is very depressed and said he is tired of fighting this disease thats he seems to keep losing the battle wirh. He is even more withdrawn now, I fear he is losing the will and/or the want to in life. Thats why I am looking for any and all help to bring some happiness in his life right now. I know if he ever does lose the will in life, then we will lose him too.
Filed under: Personal
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Prayers for Sherry and Justin.
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