oldrebel's blog

take a good look . . .

 abuse

Being single again makes me evaluate people around me more than I used to. Before, when married, I was assured of my place in the Grand Scheme of Things; there's was nothing to wonder about. Life was settled, figured out, I was hers and she was mine, what else was there to discover about others?

Sounds stupid I guess, but there just wasn't a need to "learn" other people since I had my soulmate and wasn't looking for anything or anyone else. Now there is a void, a Mary shaped hole inside my chest, and though I am not even thinking about filling it in in any way, I been wondering how do we "learn" about others. What do we look for, what do we ask, what do we listen and watch for? It's almost as if I'm back in the Wonder Years, fumbling toward ecstacy in my own convoluted way.

I came across an article that made a lot of sense on things to look for . If these sound like what you're going through, turn and run, not walk, away. Here it is in a very boiled down, condensed version. Danger Signs to wake you up to terrible times ahead...

• The Controller... will try and get you to avoid past friends, family, hobbies, outside interests. There will be overt and subtle demands on being the center of your attentions. Be wary. You were a person before with multiple dimensions, hang onto them.
• The Slapper...If this happens even once, bolt for the door. There is no future in any relationship with someone who uses agressive physical contact to make a point. A hair tug, a wrist twist, a push or pull...these will increase in intensity until you'll wonder when it started, And you'll know when it starts that first time, so don't wait around for the second or be snowed into thinking "that once" was an abberration. It wasn't, it was a warning sign for the rough road ahead. Heed it.
• The Blamer...will let you know everything in the relationship that may be out of whack is entirely your fault. Even their faults are your fault. You made them mess up. The Blamer never takes responsibility for anything and will convence you that the bad things that happen between you and them are...you guessed it...your fault.
• The Interogator...will ask you where you've been anytime you're out of sight. You'll be asked who was that on the phone before you have a chance to explain who it was. The smile someone gives you at the store or in a restaurant has to be explained. And God help you if anyone from your past stops by or sends a Christmas card. Suspicious minds usually have something on their side of the table to make them that way. Their own hidden misdeeds. So they suspect you are as they are.

I hope this makes sense. The article is tilted toward being a help for women but gee whiz, guys need the guidance too. Afterall, look at what we have to wade through and look out for...Women. ;)

Y'all, be good and have a great weekend.

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157