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silly dick jokes
Published Jul. 8, 2008
Q: Why doesn't Dick Cheney play bridge?
A: Because he likes blowing one up better.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite instrument?
A: Drumsticks on human skull.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's nicest trait?
A: He is very kind to spiders.
Q: How does Dick Cheney eat his eggs?
A: With the shells.
Q: Why did Dick Cheney go to China?
A: He likes to break chopsticks.
Q: How does Dick Cheney eat lettuce?
A: Barbecued.
Q: Where does Dick Cheney keep his gold coins?
A: Inside three human skulls.
Q: How did Dick Cheney break his leg?
A: Kicking a homeless woman.
Q: Why is Dick Cheney always happy?
A: Because he keeps getting richer.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney play Lotto?
A: To keep someone else from winning.
Q: Why did Dick Cheney go into a submarine?
A: To fart.
Q: Why can't Dick Cheney join the Kiwanis Club?
A: He can only swear allegiance to Satan.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite drink?
A: A Bloody Mary (with human blood).
Q: How do you know a new war is starting?
A: Dick Cheney has a hard on.
Q: What was Dick Cheney's biggest problem in high school?
A: He never believed geometry was true.
Q: Why isn't Dick Cheney president?
A: Because George W. threw up the poison pretzel.
Q: Where does Dick Cheney like to picnic?
A: Next to car wrecks.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's pet peeve?
A: He hates elections.
Q: Why are we invading Iraq?
A: Because Dick Cheney left a set of golf clubs there.
Q: How did Dick Cheney get the hiccups?
A: From drinking his Satanic Power Potion too fast.
Q: Why has Dick Cheney never seen Othello?
A: He thinks Shakespeare is "gay."
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite sundae?
A: Pistachio ice cream, chocolate syrup and human brains.
Q: Does Dick Cheney have a pet?
A: No, but he has two human slaves.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite food?
A: Bone marrow.
Q: Did you hear about the Dick Cheney doll?
A: Wind it up and it declares martial law.
Q: Why is Dick Cheney so lonely?
A: Everyone else is so much nicer than he is.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite song?
A: The Citibank jingle.
Q: Who is Dick Cheney's favorite superhero?
A: Dr. Doom.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney hate himself?
A: Because he is 1/24th African-American.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite yoga position?
A: The corpse.
Q: How do you know if Dick Cheney is your friend?
A: He doesn't call you "Assface!"
Q: How did Dick Cheney learn to dance?
A: Stepping on crickets.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney love his wife?
A: Because it's cheaper than loving his mistress.
Q: What is the kind of exercise Dick Cheney likes the most?
A: Lifting and lowering his bank book.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney take cocaine?
A: Because he gets it free from the president.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney like cigars?
A: Because he gets them free from Fidel Castro.
Q: Why does Dick Cheney cheat on his taxes?
A: Because the president does too.
Q: What did they call Dick Cheney in college?
A: Melissa.
Q: When did Dick Cheney realize he'd make a good vice-president?
A: When he had a colonoscopy.
Q: Why doesn't Dick Cheney like a club sandwich?
A: Because it's too ethnically diverse.
Q: Who is Dick Cheney's favorite fictional character?
A: President Bush.
Q: What is Dick Cheney's favorite state?
A: Indifference.
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July 8, 2008 4:39 p.m.
GOLO member since October 17, 2007
July 8, 2008 3:21 p.m.
GOLO member since October 18, 2007
July 8, 2008 3:21 p.m.
GOLO member since October 17, 2007
July 8, 2008 2:55 p.m.
Just when you think you have heard all the funny stuff someone manages to make me laugh just a little harder.
GOLO member since October 17, 2007
July 8, 2008 2:54 p.m.
GOLO member since August 22, 2007
July 8, 2008 2:54 p.m.
GOLO member since August 13, 2007
July 8, 2008 2:53 p.m.
July 8, 2008 2:50 p.m.
July 8, 2008 2:50 p.m.
Q. What did Dick Cheney do with his first 50 cent piece?
A. He married her.
GOLO member since July 15, 2007
July 8, 2008 2:50 p.m.
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