jabrn: blog 
jabrn's blog
in-laws... aargh!
Published May. 13, 2008
The difference between in-laws and outlaws… Outlaws are wanted.
Ok, I’m sure I am not alone in the having crazy in-laws category, but lately it seems to be getting worse. A little background – my parents have been deceased for 14 years, so my husband never even got to meet them. Now I am a realist, we had some dysfunction too in our family, but his family takes the cake.
His parents are separated (about 7 years now), although my MIL bought a house 2 blocks away from FIL (they live about 2 hours away). They still have quite a bit of interaction (I guess I can understand that part – they definitely had issues living under the same roof). One big issue is the youngest brother – he is 33 and still lives at home, has alcohol and drug issues, has stolen form his parents, been arrested more than once and goes to court next week for another DUI and parole violation… Yet both MIL and FIL enable him.
Our daughter does not have a real relationship with either grandparent and this is sad to me, but I didn’t have any living grandparents growing up and tuned out OK. So, while it is sad, I know our daughter will be fine. The main issue is MIL. In the past our daughter spent some time with her “gran” and two other cousins and then we found out that “gran” was driving them around town without their seatbelts on… (We gave it to her then, BIG time.) MIL is also not very dependable – was supposed to come into town and watch the two cousins and backed out at the last minute, so we picked up her slack. She also told our daughter that she would be at her birthday party and then was a no show, no call, no card…
So MIL has offered to watch our daughter so DH and I can have some alone time. We have politely refused. 1. We don’t trust her and 2. As long as little brother is living with her NO WAY – he has had drug dealers show up and threaten him at MIL’s house. I don’t think we are being unreasonable. Just because she is the grandmother does not mean she doesn’t have to earn our trust.
Most of the family is getting a beach house this summer for a week and have invited us. We have declined we have lots of reasons, including not wanting to be around the youngest brother and his drug and alcohol issues. We also have other reasons including, we already took our vacation to Disney, it is not in our budget, too much family drama and our daughter is in year round school, so it may fall during school. However, now we are getting some flack from other family members. We have explained our reasoning to the rest of the family and even though most agree, they also dismiss our feelings saying – “we understand, but we’ll all be there together, it will be alright.” DH and I are in agreement and are holding our ground. I am so close to just stop being polite and tell them all where to go… Maybe I should just tell MIL where to go…
Sorry, just needed to vent a bit…
close17 Comments
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GOLO member since July 13, 2007
May 13, 2008 9:30 a.m.
I basically have been in a similar situation with my husband's family with his siblings and cousins. It is better now than it used to be, but let's just say I will probably never "feel the love" from them.
GOLO member since February 28, 2008
May 13, 2008 9:23 a.m.
They don't have anything to do with us and we don't have anything to do with them.
GOLO member since July 15, 2007
May 13, 2008 9:16 a.m.
May 13, 2008 9:15 a.m.
GOLO member since March 9, 2008
May 13, 2008 9:10 a.m.
GOLO member since July 15, 2007
May 13, 2008 9:07 a.m.
No body in the family likes me, and I get told this every chance they get, which is few and far between because i don't go around them. Big deal if a bunch of drunk drug addicts don't like me.
GOLO member since July 15, 2007
May 13, 2008 9:05 a.m.
GOLO member since February 14, 2008
May 13, 2008 8:55 a.m.
Go with your instincts here - if you feel like it is time to put it out there, do so. If sounds like you have your husband's support.
My situation was nearly as involved (drugs, divorce, etc.), but there came that day when I had had all I was going to take. I was polite, I said my peace and things improved greatly.
Now don't get me wrong, I am STILL the least liked member of the family (and this only added to my black-sheepness), but the situation I comfronted her on has never happened again.
Go with your gut on this one! Best of luck!
GOLO member since December 20, 2007
May 13, 2008 8:50 a.m.
GOLO member since May 1, 2008
May 13, 2008 8:49 a.m.
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