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politically appropriate mother’s day plants
Published May. 6, 2008
With Mother’s day fast approaching in the midst of a politically-charged election season, anyone considering buying that special mom a plant this year should be aware of what’s appropriate for that politically discerning, partisan woman. Below are my recommendations, based on several minutes of exhaustive research.
For the liberal democrat mom, by far the best choice is the Bleeding Heart plant (Dicentra spp.), pictured at left. This is a beautiful specimen for any garden, and although they are generally easy to care for once established, it has been said that it takes a village to raise one of these plants from a seedling. They grow best in the northeastern states such as Massachusetts and Vermont, in the bay area of California, and around Chapel Hill. They have a pleasing, liberal growth habit and are quite tolerant of a variety of soil types, as long as they are frequently fertilized with Black Cow or other manure. Their luxuriant foliage and showy flowers can be especially taxing on the middle and upper leaf tiers, but the lower leaves benefit as a result, and don’t have to struggle to survive. The Bleeding Heart may propagate by extending runners, but these will quickly retreat in the face of adverse conditions. Long-time pests of the Bleeding Heart include the Newt, the Armey ant, and various Rushes, although the latter are easily contained by spraying them with a mixture of oxycodone or other narcotic pain reliever dissolved in water.
For the conservative republican mom, the obvious Mother’s Day choice is the Elephant Ear (Xanthosoma spp.), shown at right. Republican moms will admire this plant’s conservative appearance and its stubborn, “my-way-or-the-highway” growth habit. Unlike most plants, the Elephant ear prefers to be watered from the top down, relying on a “trickle-down,” or “trickle-on,” mechanism to provide water to the lower leaves. This may cause the lower leaves to wither and struggle, but they will appear grateful for any little bit of water they can get. The Elephant Ear is remarkably slow to adapt to any changing environmental conditions, preferring instead to stay the course in its well-established habit. Like the Bleeding Heart, the Elephant Ear thrives in manure-rich soils, and will propagate by extending runners to even the most remote, unlikely, foreign rat-hole locales. These runners will tenaciously cling to quite impracticable locations, and have a peculiar affinity for soil where motor oil may be present underground. The Elephant Ear is a hardy specimen, but does not tolerate other plants that have a wide-stance growth habit, or any species imported from Mexico. The elephant ear should never be planted near the Bleeding Heart, and one cultivar of the latter plant (D. californiaensis pelosii) is particular noxious to the Elephant ear.
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May 6, 2008 11:06 a.m.
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May 6, 2008 10:56 a.m.
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May 6, 2008 10:48 a.m.
You should see my stealth phototron!
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May 6, 2008 10:42 a.m.
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May 6, 2008 10:40 a.m.
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May 6, 2008 10:40 a.m.
That elephant ear (Colocasia) looks like an Alocasia. Giant hybrid upright.
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May 6, 2008 10:37 a.m.
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