Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Fayette-Mom: Sibling love-hate

Posted January 6, 2015

Jennifer Joyner

— “UGH! I hate Eli! Why did I have to have a stupid brother????”

My daughter was stomping around the house, decrying the latest act of mischief committed by her sibling — a deed that we are all meant to believe occurred completely out of the blue and without provocation.

What was it this time? Take your pick: We have classics like the reading of one’s diary and the hiding of one’s favorite, can-never-be-replaced teddy bear.

We have the typical, every day squabbles: She ate the last candy bar, he got to ride in the front seat last time, why does she always get to stay up late?

And then we have the fights unique to the New Age: he broke my earbuds again, she took my charger and my game was ruined.

If anything can reassure us that some things never change, certainly it is the life and times of brothers and sisters. We’re forced to share parents, and space and stuff, and, you know, air ….. so of course, we are going to have our problems.

And when you’re young and your life is all diaries and teddy bears, or iPads and game systems, it can seem like the end of the world, this being forced to co-exist with people against your will.

I’ve tried to explain to my 10-year-old that if she ever needs a kidney, her brother is her best shot, so she should be nice to him. Funny, that warning never really resonates.

So instead, I’m compiling a list for her — the reasons why I wanted her to have a brother, in hopes that one day, she’ll finally understand.

  • A brother will be there to say you deserve a better love.
  • A brother will help pick up the pieces when you don’t listen to his advice and your heart is broken.
  • A brother will know what to do when you wreck your Dad’s car and you’re scared.
  • A brother will assure you on your wedding day that no bride ever looked more beautiful.
  • A brother will love your children nearly as much as you do.
  • A brother will be the shoulder you’ll want when your parent is gone.
  • A brother will know everything there is to know about you — and will love you anyway.

Am I romanticizing things a bit? Guilty as charged.

This may not be my reality, but I guess that’s why it’s my dream for my children: That when they are no longer forced to co-exist, they will choose to be together, every chance they get.

I can’t imagine anything making me happier.

Jennifer is a mom of two, WRAL-TV assignment editor in Fayetteville and author of “Designated Fat Girl." She writes about motherhood and family-friendly events in Fayetteville here on Go Ask Mom.


Please with your account to comment on this story. You also will need a Facebook account to comment.

Oldest First
View all
  • pirategirl342 Jan 12, 2015

    View quoted thread

    Nope :) Every one of us was planned except #10! Mom and dad wanted a large family. They were both excellent at making each of us feel like "the fave" when we had one-on-one time with them. I am so thankful for all 9 of my siblings!

  • Kreader7 Jan 8, 2015

    I have siblings but my child is an only. Sometimes siblings grow up and they don't have the romanticized relationship you fantasize about. It's ok. Not everyone will get along, even as adults. Life goes on. I had one sibling I was close to as a child but he became someone I dont even know anymore as an adult. You can't force how these relationships develop.

  • pirategirl342 Jan 8, 2015

    There are 10 of us in my family (yep, same mom, same dad). 21 years between youngest and oldest. Did we fight like crazy growing up? Of course! Would we have taken a bullet for each other and would to this day? Absolutely!

  • snowl Jan 7, 2015

    It helps when you space them farther apart in age, and the oldest has a sweet caring personality... :) I know from the experience of raising my two, boy/girl. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

  • Not Now Jan 7, 2015

    I don't think my son ever forgave his sister for breaking the caboose of his model train when she was 1 and he was 4. Once they hit post-high school ages, though, they became friends until his death at age 28.

  • gracesmom84 Jan 7, 2015

    View quoted thread

    Obviously you missed the whole point of the article. Siblings fight, it's just showing that one day they will (hopefully) learn to rely and lean on each other!

  • nativeNCgrl Jan 7, 2015

    This is really sweet. Thank you for posting!

  • ewester Jan 7, 2015

    My two fought like it was the end of the world but now in their mid to late 20s they are good friends. It is great to see them hanging out and just enjoying being friends in addition to family. Be strong - there is hope. Never thought I would see it but it is a wonderful surprise to see.

  • johnnymanziel Jan 7, 2015

    Well, your daughter should know that not everyone can be smart and she should be kind to her brother.