Don't get married until you know the answers to these 14 questions
Posted May 20
Updated May 21
Marriage is wonderful, but it takes hard work to build a solid relationship that will develop into a great relationship. There are a million things to think about when trying to choose a life partner — which is why it’s so important to know what you're getting into.
Having answers to these questions will help you work at your relationship, have a better understanding of each other and make sure your needs and your partner’s needs are being met. Do you know the answers to these 14 questions?
1. Would move away from family and friends for a job?
This is something a lot of couples struggle with, especially if you or your partner live close to family. Is your love willing to move away from their family and friends for your job? Make sure you know if this is something they would compromise on before proposing.
2. Do you want kids? If so, how many and when?
If you want 12 kids and your partner only wants two, that might be a major problem. Talking about it before you get married can help avoid any surprises later on in life. When I had this chat with my husband, we wanted the same number of kids but he wanted to have them very close together. I didn't. We worked it out, but it’s good to know these things just in case they would be deal breakers.
3. How did your family deal with tension growing up?
See how your partner deals with conflict and if their way would work for you. If their family got in screaming fights and yours sat in a circle and talked it out until everything was perfect, you both will need to make adjustments. It may not be a deal breaker, but it should be sorted out before you tie the knot.
4. What is the most important part of a marriage?
By knowing your partner's values and opinions, you'll have a better understanding of what your partner expects out of your marriage. In return, they'll understand what you expect.
5. Is there anything you would absolutely settle on?
I will never have a dog bigger than six pounds live inside my house. That’s something that I’ve always told my husband I won’t compromise on, and it’s a good thing I told him — he was planning on having a big Husky as pet. Compromises can be big or small, but always make sure you know what he won't budge on.
6. What is your health history?
Knowing your partner’s medical history is crucial. Even knowing what they’re allergic to can be so important — maybe you'll be in situation where you need to know but she isn't there to tell you. Also, know their family medical history so you understand the risks for your spouse's future, your in-law's future and any future children (if diseases are potentially hereditary).
7. Are you or have you ever been addicted to pornography?
This is an awkward conversation but it’s so important. If you or your partner are struggling with a pornography addiction or struggled in the past, you need to tell each other. Study after study shows how pornography can kill relationships. It can be hard to hear but you can learn to trust each other and work through this issue.
8. What is your love language?
Take the “Love Languages” test together next date night to understand how your partner feels loved. My husband and I have opposite love languages, but we make it work because we both know how to make the other feel loved and appreciated.
9. How were you disciplined as a child?
You and your partner will most likely think the way they were disciplined is how you will discipline your own child. Before marriage, figure out a way to compromise or come up with a different solution.
10. How involved do you want to be with my family?
If spending a lot of time with your family is important to you, make sure your partner knows that. To avoid tension, they'll need to be willing to spend time with their in-laws.
11. How did you celebrate birthdays?
Some people go all out for birthdays while don't. Know how birthdays were celebrated in your partner’s home so they don’t get upset when you don’t make them a cake and throw them an elaborate party.
12. Would you be willing to share bank accounts?
Financial conversations can be uncomfortable but are vital to great marriage. Discuss how much money you will each bring in and set a budget. If you feel comfortable transferring your life savings over to your partner, you probably have a really great thing going.
13. What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?
Everyone grows up doing different things. I grew up going to Disneyland a couple of times a year while my husband had only been twice.Thankfully he loves Disneyland now and we go together all the time. Before saying "I do", make sure you know how your partner wants to live their life. Traveling might be important to you, but is it important to them? These are issues that could cause major problems later on.
14. What does it mean to be in love?
Ask your partner what love means to them. Their answer can tell you if your relationship has the potential to grow into a beautiful marriage.
Asking and answering these questions shows maturity and genuine interest in your relationship. If some of your partner's answers are concerning, work together to compromise and overcome struggles. Your relationship will come out stronger because of it.