Dear future husband, you are not responsible for my happiness

Posted April 30

It seems you got everything you ever wanted.

You married your best friend, the man you love so much.

You have a great life together, one filled with happiness and love.

You may even have the joy of having your first child, truly cementing the happily ever after you always sought.

But after some time, you may find yourself feeling a bit off; that your hubby and the life you now have with him is somehow not enough.

These thoughts make you feel guilty, like how can I complain now that I have my Prince Charming who treats me like a queen?

But the reality is that you cannot rely on your husband, or the life you now have, for your ongoing happiness.

Here are some reasons that this is not his responsibility, but in fact, it is yours to find the lasting happiness you seek.

Staying happy and healthy is an active endeavor

Guess what? Being happy actually does take work, work that if done diligently, you won’t even realize the effort.

You can’t seek after happiness to find it, sometimes it will just dawn upon you as you are doing good things such as taking care of yourself, your family, and doing things you really enjoy doing.

YOU are the only key to your own happiness

Your husband may be someone who contributes to your overall happiness, but in reality, he should not be the one creating it.

If it seems that your happiness is always directly tied to him or others, it may be time to re-evaluate how you feel about yourself.

Spend some time alone to reflect on how you can be happy just being you, instead of hinging it upon others’ actions towards you. Think about how you can make people happy and then do some things for yourself as well.

Don’t put unnecessary pressure on the man you love

How would you feel if your husband came up to you and said that you were 100 percent responsible for all of his happiness?

At first you might be a little honored, but over time it would become a burden that would be pretty hard to bear.

Remember that when it seems that you are projecting things like your life satisfaction on to him, and take the time to figure out how you can place it elsewhere.

Stop thinking about it and just enjoy your life

Some say that happiness is like a butterfly, if you keep on seeking after it, it will always fly away. But when you sit still and just enjoy it, you will find it will usually come to you.

As was mentioned, you have a great life! So stop focusing so much on this quest for an ideal that may never exactly be. Live your life, love your husband and both of you do the things you love whether together or apart.

Happily ever after is really only the beginning of your blissful life, and make sure to remember it’s not your husband’s, or anyone else’s, responsibility, really, to make you happy with your life. You create your own health and happiness.

Tamsyn Valentine is part of the content team at She graduated with a degree in communication with an emphasis in public relations and journalism. Tamsyn has written and edited for Scroll, BYU-Idaho's newspaper.


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