Can you trust your husband after an affair?
Posted August 23
Our heart is fragile. Even the slightest moment of weakness can shift our thoughts from, "I am very happy with myself today" to "I am such an idiot. I bet if I died no one would miss me".
One of the biggest trials that destroys self-confidence is when the person we love cheats, stops loving you, or does something to hurt you.
How can you move past being hurt so deeply? In the case of an affair, all trust was lost in a matter of seconds but it takes much, much longer to rebuild and repair that relationship. Is it worth it?
No one is a fortune teller. Nobody can tell you if he will cheat on you again. You have to take that leap of faith and believe that he made a mistake and honestly wants to be given a second chance.
Knowing he is truly sorry is not easy, but there are four signs that tell you your husband is truly sorry and you can trust him again.
1. He can talk to you about why he cheated.
He knows why he did it. If he cheated for attention or physical satisfaction he wasn’t receiving from you and tells you this, you can mend your relationship. You can change your relationship to fit both partner's needs. You can show your love for one another in a way that each of you want to receive it.
He may have cheated to see if you can trust him again. If your husband feels insecure that you make more money than he does, or feels the need to regain control in the relationship, that is a more difficult issue to work out. However, willingness to talk about why he cheated is the first step to regaining trust.
2. You know what you need to trust him again.
You want him to spend more time with you. You want him to travel less for work, come home earlier when he's out with friends, and be home to tuck the children into bed. You want him to tell you over and over again how much you mean to him and how sorry he is for hurting you. These are the things you want, but how do you get them?
He told you why he cheated, and that is great. Now, you must tell him how you feel and what you expect to happen next. Your husband needs to know exactly what he can do to make you happy; he can't do that without a little help from you.
Offer your help. He is struggling and wants to know how to overcome his insecurities and never make that mistake again. You are a big part of his life and offering to help him work through his trials can make all the difference.
3. He is willing to do anything to save your relationship.
Your husband has told you what he needs from you to feel loved, and you have told him what you are willing to give him. Now is the time to see if he truly means what he says and will give up anything for your relationship.
Has he suggested counseling? Is he trying to spend more time with you? Has he been spontaneous and more affectionate towards you? All of these signs point in the right direction; he still cares.
If he isn’t willing to work on the relationship himself and expects you to completely change who you are for him, trusting becomes nearly impossible and may not be worth the heartache.
4. He gives you time.
Your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health has been shaken. You are doubting everything you once believed about him, men, good people and the idea of a happy marriage. If your husband is worth trusting again, he will give you as much space and time as you need.
It is more important that you are in a healthy and happy place before fixing your relationship. Once you have been given enough time to recover, you can then begin to take the steps necessary to trust your husband again.
If you still think it’s going to be hard, then you are right! Overcoming your husband's infidelity will not be easy. But remember how you felt when you could trust him. Remember how much he has helped you in the past few years. He is such an important part of your life and he sat with you through it all. Choose to sit with him through this. Pray, listen, ask for advice, seek help from a professional and do everything you can do to overcome your fears and begin trusting the love of your life again.
Tana is a student with a passion for words. She believes that written words can touch people in ways unimaginable. In her spare time she enjoys singing, hiking, cuddling in a fuzzy blanket, and spending time with her friends and family.