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Go Ask Mom

Amanda Lamb: Mother knows best

Posted May 11

Sunday was my second Mother's Day without my mother, but I remember what she said to me on Mother's Day 2012 like it was yesterday: "This is our last Mother's Day. We both know it. But please don't be sad next year, or the year after that, or any Mother's Day. Promise?"

At the time, I nodded, too overcome with emotion to answer her. I promised, but crossed my fingers behind my back knowing it was a promise I was unlikely to keep. Mother's Day 2013 was a day that I didn't want to get out of bed. Somehow, I did and went through the motions of receiving sweet cards and gifts from my children. My husband reminded me that after all I was a daughter and a mother.

This year, as the day approached, I dreaded it again, avoiding the Mother's Day card section, quickly turning the page on advertisements in magazines for the holiday or turning the channel when similar television ads came on.

But then I realized that I wouldn't really miss my mother any more or any less on one day than on any other. Mother's Day is just one day that we've designated in our society to honor our mothers. We go through the motions of honoring all mothers - good, bad and mediocre, whether they deserve it or not.

I try to honor my mother's legacy every single day of my life by recalling her wisdom imparted to me over my lifetime and putting it to good use. Many days I fall short of the mark, but some days I succeed. The further I get away from her death, the simpler my memories of her become. They are boiled down to the simple truths that she left me with, truths meant to guide me as I navigate the second half of my life without her.

So, as I move forward in life through what I hope are many Mother's Days to come, I do so with the notion that while some of us get just one day, my mother will continue to have my devotion 365 days a year.

Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.

7 Comments

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  • beaupeep May 12, 1:25 p.m.

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    If she wants to mourn, that's her right. It was her mother, not his and he shouldn't be telling... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    OC returns again... you missed my point completely! Read my post CAREFULLY and FULLY! ... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    I got your point, I just don't agree with it. I think her husband was being insensitive and... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    Totally disagree

  • Objective Scientist May 12, 1:09 p.m.

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    If she wants to mourn, that's her right. It was her mother, not his and he shouldn't be telling... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    OC returns again... you missed my point completely! Read my post CAREFULLY and FULLY! ... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    I got your point, I just don't agree with it. I think her husband was being insensitive and... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    OK... no problem with a disagreement on what "MAY" have happened. Neither you nor I were there, neither you nor I can get into Amanda's husbands head/mind and know for sure what he was thinking. Based solely on what I read in Amanda's article it is my perspective that he was most likely trying to help... NOT tell her what she should or must feel. Obviously you don't see that possibility. You appear to INSIST, with 100% certainty, that her husband said what he said - due to insensitivity and "thinking only of himself". That said... if you, or I, or Amanda were to ask him what his motive was... would you believe him if he said he was very sensitive to her feelings and was only trying to "help" her deal with those.... and was NOT attempting to invalidate her grief and feelings. Perhaps you would not.

  • Obamacare returns again May 12, 12:47 p.m.

    Happy Mother's Day Mandy!

    Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel.

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    If she wants to mourn, that's her right. It was her mother, not his and he shouldn't be telling... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    OC returns again... you missed my point completely! Read my post CAREFULLY and FULLY! ... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    I got your point, I just don't agree with it. I think her husband was being insensitive and only thinking about himself.

  • Objective Scientist May 12, 12:31 p.m.

    Happy Mother's Day Mandy!

    Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel.

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    If she wants to mourn, that's her right. It was her mother, not his and he shouldn't be telling... View More

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    OC returns again... you missed my point completely! Read my post CAREFULLY and FULLY! Especially focus on what i say after I quote YOUR comment! I do NOT believe - and Amanda does NOT state - that he indicated that she should not continue to mourn the loss of her mother. I was not "there", but I imagine when she was having a "hard time" her husband - in an attempt to HELP her - made a SUGGESTION that SHE was also a mother and that their daughters wanted to 'honor" her. I do NOT see in this... ANYWHERE... that he was attempting to exercise "mind control" and insist that she should "feel" or "not feel" anything. If you are married... or have a boy friend/significant other... every time that person makes a suggestion to attempt to help you during a difficult time... do YOU always react that by insisting you are being TOLD how to or what you should FEEL? Give me... and him/her a break!!!

  • Obamacare returns again May 12, 9:44 a.m.

    Happy Mother's Day Mandy!

    Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel.

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male... View More

    — Posted by Objective Scientist

    If she wants to mourn, that's her right. It was her mother, not his and he shouldn't be telling her she has a responsibility as a mother if she's having a hard time on Mother's Day dealing with the recent loss of HER mom.

  • Objective Scientist May 12, 9:34 a.m.

    Happy Mother's Day Mandy!

    Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel.

    — Posted by Obamacare returns again

    I'm not a "Mom"... I'm an adult male with a son and a daughter and have grandchildren, both male and female. I don't typically read "Go Ask Mom", but not too long ago I lost my mother to illness. Amanda Lamb is a good reporter/writer and having seen one of her early articles about the loss of her mother... I begin to keep up with her following articles on that topic. I really do not "get" the comment "Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel." Being male and having been a husband I have observed that some women seem to regard any attempt to help by a husband/boy friend as "telling them how they must act or feel. I suspect Amanda's husband's comment was an attempt to get her to focus on their girls efforts to honor HER, Amanda, as a mother - to help with her sadness. He said "...daughter AND mother". He did not say forget about the "daughter" part. Give us "guys" a break!

  • Obamacare returns again May 12, 8:56 a.m.

    Happy Mother's Day Mandy!

    Don't let your husband tell you how you should feel.