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Go Ask Mom

Amanda Lamb: Grandfathers

Posted November 17, 2013

I’ve written a lot about the importance of grandmothers in the wake of my mother’s death and my children’s subsequent loss, but I think it’s just as important to acknowledge the role that grandfathers play in their grandchildren’s lives.

The best way I could describe my father with my children when they were babies was awkward. He would hold them for a minute or two, and then promptly given them back to me, holding their little dangling bodies away from his as if they were live grenades that might explode at a moment’s notice.

When they were toddlers, he was equally befuddled by their age-appropriate temper tantrums. I recall him telling my then four-year-old to “buck up” and get back on her bike or we were going to leave her there on the sidewalk a mile from our house because we had imminent dinner reservations.

But as my little girls have morphed into young ladies, his interaction with them has also morphed into a loving connection. Don’t get me wrong, he was not a warm and fuzzy father when I was growing up, so I have no expectations of him being a warm and fuzzy grandfather, but he offers my girls something completely unique.

They are at once intimidated by and fascinated by his seemingly old-world demand for respect, manners and decorum. When he is around they follow rules, speak more respectfully, and thank him profusely for simple gifts like a T-shirt or a silver dollar magically pulled from behind their ears. It’s as if the General has suddenly decided to visit the base and they hop into immediate military formation.

They worry about him: Can Pop Pop walk that far with his bad knee? Can Pop Pop see from here? They are simultaneously amused by him and sometimes a little afraid. He doesn’t sugarcoat anything, telling them when he disagrees with them or does not approve of their behavior. Amanda Lamb's daughter and father

On one recent visit he took pictures of the wrong child in my daughter’s choral concert because his eyes aren’t the sharpest. That gave the girls a good laugh, especially after his stringent and sarcastic protests that the other child had the same hairstyle and the lighting was low.

But my girls are just so proud that he wants to come see them sing or swim. They enjoy sharing their activities with him, and seek his approval for their accomplishments.

It’s been truly amazing to see how my father has taken on the role of “Pop Pop” not only with my children, but with my sister’s two young children as well. In some ways, the awkwardness of a man and a little girl lingers - the same awkwardness he probably had with me as a child.

But barrel through that façade, and there is a strong man with a soft heart who wants nothing more than to pull a silver dollar from behind his granddaughter’s ear and see her squeal with delight.

Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.


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  • cjnall Nov 20, 2013

    We have "Pa" that lives with this "Grammy". When asked whose boy are you? our grandson always says he is Pa's boy! My husband loves being a Pa and adores all the children just like he did as a Daddy. Thank goodness for Pa!!!!!

  • my2cents-justsaying Nov 18, 2013

    I like this article. However, it doesn't address the role that many grandfathers play to children of single mothers.

    My son, when asked who his father is, states "granddaddy" as his father is never around. My father has been there everyday since my son was born. As I am an only child, I think he loves finally having a little boy. Without granddaddy, my son would have no male role model in his life. And Granddaddy is a better role model than his dad could ever be. Here's to all of the grandfathers out there doing the same.

  • gastonboater Nov 18, 2013

    As a first time grandfather of a very active two year old, If I can have half of the qualities of my father, who has passed, my father-in-law, and a retired minister from our church, I will consider myself a success. Grandchildren are the most precious gifts that can be placed in our lives- "Da" & "Nani"

  • chicnrdu Nov 18, 2013

    I see this in my dad with my son...the sun and the moon rise and set with that boy and my dad will tell you in a heartbeat now how special he is. As our parents age, the tenderness comes back and we no longer see them as the strong, confident "rocks" they once were, but instead as the parents trying to do right by their kids that they are...its a cycle of life and one I don't think you can fully appreciate until you are older....

  • NCishome Nov 18, 2013

    It was the same way with my Grandfather. The strict rules, the demand to show respect. Yet, I recall the times we would spend the night. In the mornings to wake me up he would make the sound of a bumble bee and give me a little pinch. As he aged he became closer to me and I to him, by then we had moved and much time had passed that I wish we had spent more together. Yet I see him in my Mom and the humor that he gave us.

  • jwstevens04 Nov 18, 2013

    My granddaddy has been gone 16 years, last month, and it's one thing that, if I think about it long enough, can bring me to my knees. He was an amazing man, who loved us unconditionally. We miss him so much. I see a lot of him in my dad and watching his interactions with my children...I pray they get 26+ years with him, like I did my granddaddy.