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Amanda Lamb: Good riddance, 2012

Posted December 30, 2012

This will be the first time in my adult life that I will be happy to say goodbye to the previous year.

In many ways, 2012 was the worst year of my life. It’s the year my mother got brain cancer and died. When I think back on the year, I still feel the heartbreak of losing my mother like it was yesterday. Many wise people who have experienced profound grief have told me that this void will never go away, but that the intensity of the pain and its frequency will lessen with time.

I think back to New Year’s Eve 2011. I blissfully enjoyed the company of good friends without a clue in the world about what was to come. But if I had known, would it have changed anything? I don’t think so. It would have just prolonged the pain.

At least I can say that up until April 20, 2012, I lived life to the fullest, and so did my mother. Neither of us had an inkling of what the future held. And the reality is that none of us do, really, ever.

We like to think we are in control, but the truth is we control very little. At any moment any of us could get a call that changes our lives forever. That’s why it’s so important to make it a priority in life to surround ourselves with the people we love, and never let anything get in the way of that. My New Year’s resolution, if you will, is to concentrate on doing just that.

My mother was always the first person to call me on New Year’s Eve no matter where she was, or where I was. I would usually have to strain to hear her over the din of my friends whooping it up in the background.

“Happy New Year, Baby,” she said. “I love you so much.”

“Me too, Mom. Me too.”

So, this year, I will be breaking tradition and enjoying a quiet New Year’s Eve home with my family. I know there will be no call at 12:01 a.m. from my mother. But I can promise you I will be talking to her.

Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.
 

14 Comments

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  • Uhavenoclu Jan 2, 7:33 p.m.

    Sorry about your mother Amanda,and hope this year will be better.Remember that is what memories are for and remember what she told you and taught you,tat is how you keep her here with you and by teaching your kids what she taught you then she will never leave.
    She will always be with you like she was alkways with here while you were away at work or home she was always in your thoughts and mind just not in your arms .
    Many parents are suffering from Cancer and young children so never feel alone and know you are being watched and guided every moment.Listen to your heart and you will hear her.
    Have a wonderful 2013.

  • dawgwillhunt Dec 31, 7:23 p.m.

    life

  • timtooltime777 Dec 31, 5:49 p.m.

    I am sorry for your loss Amanda ! This has been a bad year! In April i had a heart attack and had to have a 4 way done on my heart ! Never seen it coming ! I lost two good reiends and my boss lost his mother over christmas, today a good guy @ work lost his wife on christmas day ! I will be glad when this year is over! I hope god bless's this new one with out any heart ach !

  • baldchip Dec 31, 2:20 p.m.

    Amanda. Take some time and look back thru pics and letters, articles, and old books. Positive memories help ease the pain. Plus-you certainly didn't want your Mom to suffer.

    God bless you.

  • lisad27597 Dec 31, 1:00 p.m.

    Wishing you and your family the best in 2013. Thank you for sharing.

  • jpittard2 Dec 31, 12:58 p.m.

    I am also saying a hearty good bye to this year of sorrows. I lost my dad, my mom, a favorite cousin, a good friend and we had to put my beloved beagle down. Only God, my friends and my family kept me going this holiday season. I know I will see them again but that is not enough right now. Tears flow and the pain is lessening with each day. We will start afresh tomorrow!

  • mcorson2 Dec 31, 12:04 p.m.

    Amanda, I lost my mother on New years eve when i was 9 yrs. old, not real happy on this day, i do not celebrate the way others do cuz as you know, the pain is always there and even after all these yrs, its right there and i celebrate my mother not the new year. but i know i will see her again and thats what keeps me going to this day.

  • CrewMax Dec 31, 10:54 a.m.

    May I add, loved ones who have passed must become your angels. That could be the only explanation for my success in life far beyond what I deserve.

  • OCVFF Dec 31, 9:27 a.m.

    Amanda, My Mom passed 6 years ago and I miss her everyday. but know that your Mom is in a better place today. Even though she is not physically here, know that she is still close to you. The void of her passing will never be filled but the pain of your loss will ease over time. Hold the memories of the good times with her close to you and you will get thought the difficult times. I hope that 2013 brings you good times and good memories. Happy New Year to you and yours.

  • lec02572 Dec 31, 8:39 a.m.

    It is true, that the "void will never go away, but that the intensity of the pain and its frequency will lessen with time." A mother cannot be replaced. I know you will be looking at the phone, as if it were going to ring, as I have done so many times since my mother passed away 9 years ago. The joy that our mothers gave us during life will never go away and I know that she will be waiting someday for me to join her.

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