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Amanda Lamb: Call me Scrooge

By Amanda Lamb

Posted: November 18, 2012

Tags: Amanda Lamb, Mom's Life, Seasonal & Holidays, Christmas

I can’t tell you how much I am dreading the holidays. Frankly, I wish I could just take the calendar and flip it to January.

The reason: This will be my first holiday season without my mother. Not only that, but her birthday is the day after Christmas. I dread approaching each special day without her by my side and without the traditions we always shared.

I have interviewed so many people around the holidays about what it is like to lose someone important in their lives during this time of year. I specifically remember the soldier’s family who still set a place for their son at their Thanksgiving table even after he died. I also remember the family of a murder victim who retreated to a remote cabin at Christmas in order to commemorate their loss in private away from the glare of the public eye.

And while I hope that I was compassionate as I told these stories, I now know that I really didn’t understand what they were going through, because I couldn’t. Amanda Lamb's mom celebrates her birthday

I ran into a friend from church at the grocery store the other day as I was going through an ornament display contemplating how I might tie them onto the handles of gift bags. She came up behind me and commented on how she couldn’t believe that I was already thinking about Christmas. I whipped around and proceeded to tell her just how much I hate Christmas.

The truth is that I don’t really hate Christmas. I hate that I will have to spend it this year without my mother. This notion still seems very surreal to me. Not doing the holidays is not an option when you have children, so I will somehow soldier through the turkey, the decorating, the cards, the parades, the pageant, the gifts, the gatherings and so on.

But not a minute will pass on these days when I don’t think of her. Hopefully, each year will get a little less painful.

So, pardon me this year if I come across like a Scrooge. It’s not personal. It’s just where I am at this moment, and there’s no amount of eggnog or twinkling lights that’s going to turn it around.

Amanda Lamb is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.

21 Comments

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Amanda, I have been there where you are. My mom died on 12/10/2001 and I still just get through the holidays. It is easier but right now it is raw and you are entitled to be a "Scrooge". Take your time.

thecatsmeow67
November 18, 2012 9:44 p.m.

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Amanda. I also lost my Mom this year. Thanks for putting into words they way I feel right now. God Bless our children for helping us get through!

julhodge
November 18, 2012 11:56 p.m.

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Believe me when I say 10 year from now it will not be any different at hoilday. MY Mom pass away 11 year ago and hoilday are not very good at my house. This year my sister is in icu and a few year ago I lost my father in law, my brother in law and brother so the hoilday are not good and writing about it doesnt help so enjoy your children while you can and deal with your mother loss. you are are not alone

shirleystrickland
November 19, 2012 6:25 a.m.

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You are not alone in your feelings. My sweet Daddy left us on 12/8/2008 and that first Christmas was bittersweet. Holidays are never quite the same after a beloved goes home, but as one other said - our children, family and friends will get us through. Even though the pain gets a little better, you will always miss them and I still have days that I only think of Dad and what he meant to me. Prayers, hugs, and blessings to you on this journey.

bjgupton
November 19, 2012 6:28 a.m.

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I have been there and know just how you feel. But I decided my mom would not want me to be sad and scroogy. So I decided the best way to move past this was to do something for someone else in memory of my mom. My mom, like yours, was a very giving person and I am so much like her. So now I just do something in her memory every Christmas so that part of her is still with me. Blessings and prayers for you this year during Christmas and celebrate her heavenly birthday with a vengeance.

hilliardpat1954
November 19, 2012 9:24 a.m.

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In 2009 my father was killed a car accident and my mother was critically injured just two days before my birthday. My 15 yr old daughter had some injuries, too. We all miss my father so much, but we were able to rejoice in those still with us and knew y father would not want us missing out on joyous occasions because of his death. I made a special Christmas ornamment for my mother with my father's picture in it. She keeps it out year round. Treasure the memories and traditions and continue them with your children. Make your own holiday storybooks of things you experienced with your family growing up so your children will also be able to share in them. I will pray for you and your family to feel peace and joy as you go trough the holiday season.

heidione40
November 19, 2012 10:02 a.m.

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Amanda, I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my entire family (father, mother & brother) by the time I was 23 (I am 45 now). Not a holiday, birthday or special occasion goes by that I don't think about them. My mom's birthday is November 21 (Wednesday) and it's also the day my brother passed away (28 years ago) which makes the day even worse. I miss them every day. I will never know the joy of my daddy walking me down the aisle when I got married, nieces, nephews, sister-in-law, etc. I have my husband's family but it's not the same. But somehow you get through it. Just remember what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Every one gets through things in their own way. I guess people think I'm nuts but I talk to my mama when I'm driving. I also visit her grave and we talk there. I know in my heart that I will see her again. We had alot of traditions growing up and I try to keep some of those going such as baking my mama's prune cake. No one eats it but me but it just ma

jcook2
November 19, 2012 10:33 a.m.

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No one eats it but me but it just makes me feel better. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. I get through it knowing that I will see my family again one day.

jcook2
November 19, 2012 10:35 a.m.

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You are not acting like a Scrooge. You are a young woman who's trying to navigate her way through a tough time. Don't try to be Super Woman. Cut yourself some slack. After all, you only get one mommy and that's a super special relationship. When the nature of that relationship changes, it can rock you to your very foundation. Please keep talking and writing about her and how you feel. You are helping yourself and your readers more than you will ever know.

4.13
November 19, 2012 11:57 a.m.

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Please don't feel like you are Scrooge. It's just your survival instinct that kicks in. My mom died in April 2011 so this will be my second holiday season without her. My father and younger brother are also not living. A week ago I went to put flowers on their graves. I still get that punched in the gut feeling as I stand there knowing that I'm the only one left of my immediate family. I have great memories and I am so thankful that I was a part of those lives but right now it's also those memories that make me long to be able to be in their midst one more time.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with your readers. You'll never know how much that meant to those of us who are in the same situaton. Be gentle with yourself and know that there are those who understand and on this day we send you a hug.

Joy
November 19, 2012 12:39 p.m.

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Amanda Lamb: Call me Scrooge

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