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Am I making the right decision?

Posted December 4, 2016

We are all familiar with that moment when we first meet someone and we begin to consider a future life with them. Often, we start to question ourselves as to whether this budding relationship is too good to be true. Then there is the point when you try to gather a second opinion by inviting them to a dinner with friends or family in order to observe everyone's thoughts on this person. However, if your family or friends' approval cannot convince you that this person is the one for you, here are four things to consider when deciding to take your relationship to a new level:

1. Am I finding him/her attractive out of desperation?

Often times as people get older, they become conscious of their age and how quickly time passes. This can often cause them to scurry and get hitched as soon as possible. In other cases, parents or relatives could be the ones applying unconscious pressures about getting married. And then there is the situation when all of your close friends are in committed relationships, you have become an expert at third wheeling and you begin to long for love.

Whatever the situation may be, these pressures can blind you and make it seem like the next suitable person you meet is an eligible candidate for marriage. If your relationship falls in this category, your significant other may not necessarily be Mr. or Mrs. Right.

2. Does he/she have qualities I am willing to attach myself with?

Make a list of all of his/her best qualities. When you are finished, write down a reason why you like each specific quality about them. Even their good qualities may be ones you don't like. For example, your partner may be hardworking, but that quality may annoy you because you would rather have someone who doesn't find their job more important than their happiness and family.

The biggest decision at this point is to decide whether you truly and genuinely can live with this person and all of their characteristics. Both good and bad.

3. Are their bad habits manageable or not?

Using that same page you wrote their good qualities on, write all the things about them you dislike so far. Mark the pet peeves you cannot see yourself living with. If more than half of the pet peeves are marked, then you may have a problem with coexisting with this person in the future. However, it is not necessary to completely abandon him/her because of some of their irritating habits. What's important is deciphering whether or not compromises can be made to make your potential marriage manageable. But, do bear in mind that those pet peeves that you can't compromise on won't vanish after you say "I do."

4. How do you feel deep inside?

Before you are fully convinced that this person is the one, sit quietly and think about the person in question and take note of how you feel deep inside. Forget what your heart feels or what your mind is thinking. You know that weird place in the pit of your stomach? Listen to it. If you feel total and unexplainable calm and peace when thinking of your future with this special person, you are in a great place to further your relationship. However, if your gut feeling is churning and uneasy even in the most serene moments, give your relationship more time and more thought.

All in all, your soul knows its mate before your mind and heart do. Take the time to listen to what it's trying to tell you and you will make the right decision.

Jehanne Anderson would be happy to hear from and counsel with you if you need her advice or just someone to talk to. Contact her at: jaigp4s@gmail.com

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