A creative approach to celebrating the holidays with Alzheimers in the house

“Hey, Papa,” several grandkids said, as they streamed in the front door. Cedric, a former paratrooper with the Army for 20 years, was all dressed up. He looked sharp with his new haircut, nice pants and hard bottom slippers, sitting near the Christmas tree. Tracy, his youngest daughter, was sitting next to him as children and grandchildren, great grandchildren and even a great, great grandchild poured in--altogether, over thirty people. Tina, the oldest, daughter, worked closely with Darlin, Cedric’s wife, preparing favorite dishes in advance, assigning seating areas, directing traffic flow, and moving along conversations with Papa. Linda Faye, the middle daughter, and her brothers Pecan and David were on camera duty as family and friends poured in and out. When Cedric’s son-in-law, who is visually impaired, felt his way in, Cedric stood up and said, “Let me help you, William.” Tracy put her hand on her dad’s shoulder. Then in-laws from Charlotte and California arrived. Newton, the youngest son-in-law walked in with his new girlfriend, and Cedric stood up again. “Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling at her. He was almost his old self--in spite of being diagnosed with Alzheimers almost a decade ago.

Linda said, “My siblings did a lot behind the scenes to set this up.”

According to the Alzheimers Association, over 5.5 million Americans are living with Alzheimers. That means many families, like this one, will be working out creative ways to celebrate the holidays while keeping in mind the things—in this family’s case, like loud noises, sitting still too long, or getting frustrated answering the same question over and over—that can derail the day for their loved one.

Linda comes from a family with five kids, 10 grandkids, 9 great grandkids, as well as a great great grandkid, plus in-laws, aunts, uncles and cousins. While there are a lot of people to share the load, this situation has required that the siblings sit down with their mother regularly to discuss the needs and who is best at doing what.

Their dad still lives at home with his wife of 57 years, who rarely leaves his side, but it’s getting harder. He’s a fall risk and a few days ago, while Darlin was brushing her teeth, he had wandered downstairs. He just wanted to see the Christmas tree lights.

“Mom was so scared,” Linda said. “Tina can keep him and Darlin calm,” she said. “I’m good in the kitchen.”

I asked their family what they had done to make this holiday season run smoothly. Here’s what they said:

"Some days are smooth, others are bumpy, but this is a journey," Linda added. "Pay attention to what’s beautiful about what you have, too. This is an incredible expression of commitment. They were married November 26, 1960. They’re almost like one person. This way of life is simple and not all bad. They get up, eat, watch TV. Children and grandchildren come over. It’s not all bleak. They have people who love them coming by all the time. In fact, it’s quite beautiful."