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8 reasons why your wife isn't happy

Posted October 18

Ever wonder why your wife is not happy? Here are some ideas. (Deseret Photo)

Husbands often feel it is their responsibility to make their wives happy. While that should definitely be a priority, don’t feel like a failure if she still seems unhappy despite your best efforts. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you; it is an internal battle only she can overcome. It does not mean she is a lost cause, just that you may need to take a different approach. First, you need to understand why your wife isn’t happy. Here are some reasons:

1. She is overwhelmed

This is a common culprit behind a woman’s unhappiness. It doesn’t take much to feel overwhelmed. She goes through a variety of emotions on a daily basis, and it's exhausting. Fear, joy, heartache, anger, love and anxiousness are feelings she has every day. With all there is to do, all she is responsible for, and all the road blocks that pop up along the way, it can lead to feeling overwhelmed. This does not make her happy.

2. She is tired

Sometimes, a woman’s unhappiness is simple due to the fact that she is tired. Who is the first to wake up in your house? Who is the last to go to bed? Who stays up and cleans/cooks/organizes/works while everyone else is taking a nap? In most homes, it is the wife. Sometimes five hours of sleep is the most she’ll get a night until the kids are grown and gone and she has retired. Keep that in mind when trying to find ways to help your wife be happy.

3. She is wearing too many hats

Women have several different titles: wife, mom, employee, cook, maid, coiffure, volunteer, friend, daughter, and fixer of all problems. While she is most likely proud of the hats she wears, occasionally they pull her in too many directions. When she doesn’t have adequate time for each role, some are neglected, and she knows it. Your wife is not happy when she can't give 100% to every role she takes on.

4. She is missing something in her life

Unhappiness could be due to missing something. Something major like the inability to have children, or something smaller like not having a fulfilling job that just bring home a paycheck can make her feel empty. If she seems unhappy on a daily basis, it is probably for this reason. Try and help her pinpoint exactly what is missing, and help her create a plan to change it. Or, cope with the emotions she's going through because of it.

5. She is not taking enough time for herself

This is a huge reason why wives aren’t happy, but a difficult one to permanently fix. A forced night out with friends or spa day once in a while will help, but making a woman regularly take time out for herself is hard. She may feel guilty, selfish or like she is neglecting another more important duty by taking alone time. The hard part is, by not spending time on herself, she is sabotaging her own happiness. It is vital to have moments of rejuvenation and relaxation so she has the energy to devote herself to other responsibilities.

6. She has her priorities confused

It is easy for a woman to confuse her priorities. She tends to put everyone else before herself. She may think creating an elaborate birthday party (with the work keeping her up all hours of the night for a week) is the only thing that matters. And she may forget her own dreams because she focuses on making everyone else’s come true first. While it is possible she feels she is doing the right thing, it can often lead to feelings of unhappiness.

7. She doesn’t know how to ask for help

Women tend to take on the world, but don’t know how to or are afraid to ask for help. Asking for help can make her feel she is inadequate, failure or giving up control. These feelings not only cause her unhappiness, but also prevent her from asking for help. Try and offer help even when she doesn’t ask.

8. She is pressured by today’s standards

With everyone sharing the amazing parts of their lives on social media, it is hard not to compare someone else’s triumphs to her failures. She may feel if she is not planning amazing dates for her husband every week then she is a bad wife. Or if her child is not a prodigy by the time they are four then she has failed as a parent. Sometimes it can even be the little things like not putting her kids in a sport, or not cooking a homemade meal every night that leaves her feeling inadequate and unhappy.

Hopefully these ideas can help you see just why your wife is not happy. Despite what is troubling her, your number one job is to just keep loving her. Knowing she is loved by you helps more than you know. Try and help her to discover the cause of her unhappiness. Until she can see it, she won’t be able to overcome it. Be her rock and support. She needs you now more than ever.

Megan Shauri graduated with a bachelors in Anthropology and a masters in Psychology. She lives in Orange County, CA and is a mother of twins. Contact her at Meganshauri@gmail.com

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