banner
Family

7 things you can't change about a man (so stop trying)

Posted February 25

I had a friend who fell hard for a man. The way she talked about him had all us hearing wedding bells. We then found out that this man talked to his ex on a daily basis.

He had told my friend he loved her, but never wanted to be exclusive. My friend was sure he would change and become totally dedicated to her... but that never happened. There are somethings that men rarely, if ever, change about their character.

Here are seven things you generally won’t be able to change about a man:

1. Commitment phobia

Everyone struggles with commitment at one point or another, but it's time to tell a man goodbye if he's consistently afraid of committing. You want to be the person who actually gets him to the altar — the person who did what no other woman could — but just stop trying now.

A man who struggles with commitment will break off the relationship if it starts moving towards marriage. He may not be able to date just one woman at a time. He'll run away from anyone who wants things to settle down.

Chances are, he will need some professional help to overcome his commitment problems.

2. Addictions

The only thing your man should be addicted to is your smile and your happiness. He needs professional help if he addicted to anything else. Whether it's drugs, video games, pornography, gambling, sex or alcohol, he doesn't have full control over his behaviors or personality. This addiction can change him into a man you don't recognize.

You will see someone who needs help, but giving your heart, time and energy is not the help he needs. He needs therapy or an addiction recovery program. You will end up heartbroken as you see the substance take priority over your needs and happiness.

3. Abusive behavior

There is no good excuse for a man who emotionally, sexually or physically abuses you or others. Don’t put yourself in a place where you can get hurt. Yes, you may be able to still see the good guy, but it’s not your responsibility or your role to fix him, to change him. Listen to any concerns friends and family mention— they might be able to see abusive behavior before you do.

4. His spending problems

It’s amazing that your man has dreams to be the next Walt Disney, but if he's in massive debt with no sign of paying it off, just don’t get involved. He may have good intentions, but massive debt is not a good thing. Your mister might even turn to bad investments or gambling to get out of debt which spells trouble for you and him.

5. Loving an ex

If he regularly talks, texts or seeks out his ex, he is still in love with her...even if he says it's over. You deserve to be his number one, not his second option. It doesn’t matter if he's the best guy in the world...someone else has his heart and until he is able to completely let her go, don’t even try. Find someone who will give you his whole heart.

6. Being a workaholic

Imagine that it’s your birthday, and a meeting comes up that your man can’t miss. So he cancels dinner. Then the same thing happens on your anniversary, your brother’s wedding and his sister’s funeral. Simply put, work comes before you and family. You can’t change that about him; it's in his nature to put work first.

7. His core values

It’s difficult to have a good relationship when you and your man have different core values, but it's impossible to have a good relationship if you want him to adopt your values. You should love the man he is, and if you can’t accept what he holds important, then it's time to say goodbye.

You can’t change him just because you would prefer if he was different. As Steve Hardy said, “A woman can't change a man because she loves him; a man changes himself because he loves her.”

Stacie Simpson is a journalism student. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.

Comments

Please with your WRAL.com account to comment on this story. You also will need a Facebook account to comment.

Oldest First
View all