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Family

7 texts a married man should never send

Posted July 2

Men, you love your wife, and you would never try to intentionally hurt her. But these 11 seemingly innocent texts can damage, or completely destroy, even the healthiest relationship if left unchecked.

1. Checking in on your ex-girlfriend

Even if it’s been years since you’ve dated, this is RISKY. Initiating a small text can eventually respark the flame. At one point in your life, you really loved this person. Those feelings can easily come back if you let them. Never text your ex. It's like playing with fire.

2. Whining about your wife

You wouldn’t want your wife to tell all her friends about the obnoxious things you do, so why would it be any different with her? How you talk about your wife behind her back can make or break a beautiful marriage.

If you are frustrated with your wife, find a healthy way to release those strong feelings before you talk to her about it. Texting your friend about how annoying your wife is, is absolutely toxic. Your friends will remember those annoying things long after you normally would (and remind you of them). And those hurtful words are now in writing – a perfect way for your wife to stumble across and be deeply wounded by them later on.

4. Obsessively texting a friend

It’s fine for you to have a bro-mance, but if that relationship becomes more important to you than your relationship with your wife, it’s time to break up with your friend.

How many times do you text your friend during the day? Are you texting him while your wife is having a conversation with you? At any time, have you resented the time you need to spend at home with your family because you would rather be hanging out with your buddy? These are all signs of an impending disaster. It’s time to step back from that friendship.

5. Any text sent from a secret messaging app

If you’re using any app to keep a conversation secret of if you have a desire to hide any text from your wife, that’s a pretty clear sign you’re doing something wrong.

With any conversation you have, ask yourself how your wife would feel if she were reading it. If you don't know, ask her. If you're uncomfortable with her finding out, stop it immediately.

6. Texting out of anger

If you're angry at your wife, cool down before you call her. Texting is never a good way of expressing your frustration. Your tone of voice is impossible to interpret through a text message, and it’s way too easy to type hurtful things you’ll later regret. Anything hurtful texts you send your wife will forever be recorded in writing. She’ll also remember them at times when she is feeling the most vulnerable.

7. Responding to a flirty text from any woman (besides your wife)

If a woman initiates the conversation, block her. Nothing good can come from responding.

8. Flirting at all (even as a joke)

Never send a flirty text. Ever.

Inside jokes should be kept between you and your wife. There is no room to be texting inside jokes to another woman.

9. Shoving your wife under-the-bus

Be cautious of how you use the, "I can't come, because my wife won't let me" excuses. If you're frequently whining about how she never lets you do anything, your friends will start to believe she’s the reason for all your problems. Eventually, you’ll come to resent her as well.

10. Pornographic images

Husbands, if you truly understood the effect pornography has on you and your relationship, you would avoid this at all costs.

A study by Fight the New Drug showed that after men were exposed to pornography, they rated themselves as less in love with their partner, and were more critical of their partner's appearance, sexual performance and displays of affection. Why would you ever wish to spread that around (let alone, expose yourself to it?)

11. Texting a female co-worker about anything besides work

No matter who it is, no matter how impossible it seems to ever have an affair, don’t enter this territory. When you’re married, you have to set boundaries with the other women you interact with. You possibly spend more time with your co-worker than with your wife. Developing an inappropriate relationship can be so easy. If you have to text a female co-worker, make sure it’s only for the right reasons (i.e. about work).

Husbands, even the best of marriages can be destroyed. Don't risk this precious relationship because of a few careless texts. If you're doing any of these things, there's time to stop right now.

EMAIL: alovell@deseretnews.com

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