7 marriage conversations your friends should never know about
Posted August 15, 2016
They say your spouse is your teammate, ally and confidant. Strong marriages rely on one another to provide security, stability and support that can't be found elsewhere.
John Gottman, a renowned love expert and scholar, described the heart of his life-long marriage study as a single simple truth; the happiest marriages are based on deep friendship. They are centered around mutual respect for each other's company.
Mutual respect and defined boundaries in a couple’s communication will help create a healthy space of happiness and trust in your marriage. Below are seven marital conversations that should remain between you and your spouse.
1. How often you are intimate
Set concrete boundaries to never discuss intimacy with anyone but your spouse. What happens in the bedroom needs to stay in the bedroom. Do not rate experiences, discuss a lack of or excess of frequency and do not share details. The intimate time spent with your spouse can lead to personal conversations that can help the two of you grow together.
2. What you fight about
Do not believe you are the only couple that has a fight that consistently creeps into your conversations; every marriage has certain things that raise conflict again and again. Do not allow your tedious fights to be discussed amongst friends.
Their input could encourage you to over-react or call upon drastic measures to eliminate the rift. Do not allow their opinions to cause you to react in a way you will regret later. Conversations about solutions should be kept between you and your spouse.
3. Your spouse’s deepest fears
As a spouse it is your job to listen and understand your partner on a unique and highly personal level. If your spouse is willing to open up and share their deepest fears, do not degrade their trust by sharing the intimate details of their souls with people who are not committed to the individual on such a deep level as you are.
4. Your spouse’s annoying habits
Do not vocalize and emphasize your spouse’s small and tedious habits to all of your friends Do not discuss your spouse’s bad habits with anyone other than your partner.
“Every annoyance in a relationship is really a two-way street. Partners focus on what they're getting, not on what they're giving,” said psychologist Jay Dixit. “But no matter how frustrating a partner's behavior, your interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it.” Talk as a couple about habits that you are not fond of, and think of solution without involving friends.
5. When you are struggling financially
It is not a surprise that finances are consistently in the top five reasons why couples divorce. Money impacts nearly everything we do and experience in life. When the purse strings tighten, do not complain or discuss the financial burden with friends. Keep conversations about financial matters between you and your spouse. Together you can create a budget and live happily within the means you both can provide.
6. …When you are happy with your income
For richer or poorer, do not disclose times of financial comfort. Boasting and displaying your income can create a rift in your relationship with friends and your spouse.
7. Anything your spouse has asked to keep confidential
It is true there is a time and place for individuals to vent to other people about the strussful situations in your relationship. Marriage is not perfect. But do remember, husbands and wives share a special bond and commitment to one another. In your relationship, it is important to establish that you would keep a comment or situation confidential. Even if a friend asks, respect your spouse's wishes.
The common phrase “loose lips sink ships” can be applied to marriage. Do not allow your instant need to vent about marital issues to destroy the communication boundaries you and your partner have worked so hard to establish.
Hannah Rose is a story-telling enthusiast that finds joy in sharing insights and human experience. Connecting the world through written verse is a passion that drives her to pursue her journalistic endeavors.