7 bits of common marriage advice that ruins - not helps - your marriage
Posted January 30
Before and after marriage, family and friends provide a never-ending stream of marriage advice. Some of it is valuable, but here are seven examples of the most dangerous marital advice out there:
1. Never go to bed angry
Emotions run high and hurtful words come easy when you are sleep deprived. When you choose to follow the advice to “never go to bed angry” you might damage your marriage beyond repair. This advice started from the idea that no problem was important enough to fight over for more than a day. And it would be ideal if a couple didn’t engage in an argument for more than one day. But lack of sleep can actually make this discussion last longer than it needs to be...and turn it to be more harmful, too.
Sleeping in close quarters with a person who you are angry at can be difficult and frustrating, but in that intimate setting, a solution might come...or at least some sleep.
2. Put your children first
Your relationship with your children is important, but your relationship with your spouse is far more important. You should always put your spouse first. Your children will learn about love, respect, care, service, kindness and various other important values when they watch you and your spouse.
To have a healthy and happy marriage, you and your spouse must nourish your relationship first. Don’t ignore your children, but teach them with your example. Another positive side effect of putting your spouse first is the fact that empty nesting will be that much easier.
3. Marry your soulmate
Simply speaking, you do not have a “soulmate.” I’m not saying to settle on the first guy or gal who asks you to marry them, I’m just saying don’t think that destiny has created the perfect match for you. A perfect match will never exist, but a good match does. When you find someone who makes you a better person, who loves you as much as you love him or her and who will support you in every way you need supporting, you have found a match.
To make your match a perfect match the two of you must grow together. So don’t be afraid of marrying that great guy or gal because you didn’t have some sort of revelatory experiences telling you he or she is your soulmate.
4. You can always get divorced
If you ever get this advice, ignore it. If you ever give this advice, stop it. To enter into a marriage is a binding act of faith, respect and love. There are many cases that divorce is necessary and it is better for the couple and children for the marriage bond to be broken, but when you enter into a marriage thinking in the back of your head you can always get divorced, you are dooming your marriage.
Instead of working together through the hard times of a relationship, you have allowed yourself to have an “easy way out,” aka divorce. Couples who enter into a marriage with full faith in each other and in their marital bonds will be less likely get divorced.
5. Problems have a way of working themselves out
Some problems do, many do not. Sometimes solving problems take a bit of work. Don’t think that if the problem isn’t solving itself that the marriage is not meant to be — instead, put a little effort behind solving the problem. Love your spouse enough to put some of your time and energy into solving marital and relationship problems. Problems will arise, no matter what. So, work with your spouse in solving them instead of just waiting around.
6. Relationships are supposed to be hard
A “hard relationship” is usually a sign of an unhealthy relationship. There might be moments of discord between you and your spouse. You might fight or have some problems, but a healthy relationship in general should never be described as hard. If you are having a hard relationship, you might need to consider getting out of it.
Remember that difficult times might cause strife, but in general, the happy times should out weigh all of the hard times.
7. You will grow naturally closer as time goes by
Once again there is some truth to this advice, but there is also a huge issue. If you spend time together, help each other, support each other, laugh together, cry together and in general do things together, then yes, you will naturally grow closer as time goes by. But there is a lot of work that needs to be applied to a relationship before this natural "growing closer" thing happens.
You should always strive to remain close to your spouse. Never let a day go by where you don’t say “I love you” and mean it..and take all advice knowing it was said to give you and your relationship hope. Use your common sense do what works for your unique relationship.
Stacie Simpson is a journalism student. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.