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6 ways you know you're a soccer mom

Posted June 2

Arianne Brown's five sons play around with a soccer ball. (Deseret Photo)

This week, my kids officially completed their soccer season, which if you are a soccer mom, you know exactly what that means: more soccer.

There is so much more to being a soccer mom than shuttling kids to and from games and practices with snacks in tow. Here are six ways you know you’re a soccer mom.

1. Your lawn will never be beautiful.

While you may have once thought that letting your kids play outside in their cleats was a cheap way to aerate the lawn, you quickly found that you would have no such luck. Not only will you have cleat marks all over your lawn, but you’ll have a permanent dead spot where the goalie has set up camp.

2. When you hear, "I’m messy," you know not to grab the wipes.

A few years back, I heard my oldest son yell, “I’m messy!” I was a little concerned at first, but when my other two boys followed up with, “No, I’m Messi!” I knew that I wouldn't need to grab the wipes or spray anyone with the hose.

Lionel Messi is the great Barcelona and Argentina player whom many young soccer players want to emulate.

3. You have a colorful array of shoes in your closets.

Soccer cleats are no doubt snazzy. But if your kids play indoor or futsal, you get to buy an even more colorful and outlandishly designed line of footwear. And, since indoor shoes are (apparently) so comfortable, it is likely your children also have a school pair. You might as well be walking into a pack of Skittles when you clean your kids’ closets — except it stinks like a can of dead rats.

4. You are constantly being "megged."

A soccer ball is constantly found not only at your kids' feet but also your feet as they attempt to “meg” you.

“Meg,” short for “nutmeg,” is when the soccer player successfully kicks the ball between his or her opponent's legs — which surprisingly happens less often than you may think. So, when your child is constantly trying to meg you while you are walking through the house doing household chores, you end up with many more messes all over the floor and with bruised ankles to match.

5. You’ll never give a "normal" haircut again.

Thanks to all of the fun hairstyles of David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar Jr., I will never be allowed to give a simple haircut to any of my boys. I will either be keeping the back long, shaving one side, adding some steps or buying headbands to hold back their long locks.

Soccer has become less of how you play the game and more of how you look when you play the game.

6. You have clothing for all weather conditions in your car.

The great thing about soccer is that it is played in the spring and fall. Those seasons encompass all weather patterns: wind, rain, snow, sleet, extreme heat — you name it. This is also why you have watched many games from under a tarp or from behind your steering wheel with your 2-year-old climbing all over you.

Being a soccer mom requires time, perseverance and a high tolerance for pain and unholy stenches. But I'd do it all again — even if I did have a choice in the matter.

Arianne Brown is a mother of seven young children, and she loves hearing and sharing stories. For more of her writings, search “A Mother’s Write” on Facebook. She can be contacted at ariannebrown1@gmail.com. Twitter: A_Mothers_Write

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