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6 ways to know if you are a better mother than your mother

Posted September 6

You may not have had the best mother, but not all teachers lead by example. (Deseret Photo)

We all carry scars from our childhood years. To a certain extent, they have made us into the people we are in our adult lives.

As we grow older and start families of our own, we can’t help but look back on those unresolved issues and wonder if our children will be put through the same things. It is especially scary to think that the contention and anger we felt toward our parents may be what our children will feel toward us one day.

Many people say that all they learned from their mother was what not to do. If such was the case for you, how can you be sure you are actually being a better mother than your own?

1. You haven’t forgotten how you felt growing up

If you had a distant mother, then you remember the heartache of watching happy families play together, eat together and love each other. You desperately wanted to be a part of that family.

When you were growing up, you also even wished you had a curfew, got grounded or had a mother who really wanted to get to know your friends.

The pain hasn’t faded now that you are an adult and have children of your own. You still want that relationship with your parents, but the way you cope without it is to promise you will do everything you can to make your children feel loved.

2. You reach out to those you admire for parental advice

You know that you are not a perfect parent. With that being said, you don’t just wallow in your own self-pity. You actively seek guidance and advice from those you look up to.

As a child, you never felt your mother tried to be better. You, on the other hand, have jumped leaps and bounds to get to where you are, and you didn’t do it without asking for help.

3. You don’t try too hard

Some parents fail when they try too hard to be a perfect parent. But, again, there is no perfect parent, and you know that.

When you try your best to be a good mother but don’t go a step too far and do everything for your children, you have been successful.

The key is to be the best person you can be. When you notice your children looking up to you as their hero, you know you must be doing something right.

4. You make and keep goals

Your to-do lists and various daily and monthly goals have been a key to your success as a mother. Writing down your goals actually gives you a push to achieve them.

Not all moms make goals to be better mothers. Actually, very few do; but in their hearts they want to be better.

Write down your goals and push yourself like you always wished your mother would. This is the difference between you and your mother. You are trying.

5. You show your children love by loving their father

There is the all too common debate on whether or not loving the father more than the children is right. Well, no matter which side you are on, we all can agree that letting your children see you love your husband through word and action is a must.

My mother and father would always kiss, cuddle and use words of affirmation around us while we were growing up. It reminded me daily how much my parents loved each other and made me feel like my home was a safe place.

6. You make quality time a priority

You took the love language test, and it revealed that quality time is not your No. 1. This is surprising because, without quality time with your children, you are just an average woman to them.

When you spend an evening with just your daughter or take time out of your day to play a board game with your son, you make a greater impact on them than you may realize.

Many mothers (yours might be included) forget how important spending quality time is to a child.

Your mother may have forgotten what it felt like to be loved by a parent. It is possible her parents were, in fact, just as distant with her as she is with you.

Break the cycle and show your children how much they mean to you. Remember how important their first 18 years of life are. Your impact on them literally molds them into the people they will be for the rest of their lives.

Tana is a student with a passion for words. She believes that written words can touch people in ways unimaginable. In her spare time she enjoys singing, hiking, cuddling in a fuzzy blanket, and spending time with her friends and family.

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