6 things you need to cut out of your relationship before it's over
Posted April 20
Love and relationships can be intense and passionate. But feeling an undeniable pull toward your partner won’t protect you from the realities of life. Even if you think you’re meant to be, bad behaviors can rip your union apart. Here are six things you need to stop doing before they ruin your relationship:
1. Constant bickering
You may be head over heels in love with your mate but if you can’t go a day without arguing, you’re likely headed for trouble. Bickering is symptom of a larger problem. At its core, underlying bigger issues are seeping into every day conversations and causing conflict where there should be harmony. The real issues are about feeling unappreciated, disrespected, unloved, undervalued, misunderstood and more. Your marriage may not lack affection, but bickering shows the cracks in your relationship's foundation.
2. Fighting in public
Airing your dirty laundry in person or over the internet is a no-no if you want to make it in the long run. Putting your personal business out there on the streets, in a restaurant, or over social media shows a lack of restraint and maturity. It invites attention for all the wrong reasons. Garnering sympathy from your squad and drumming up judgment about your partner doesn’t help resolve any of your issues — it just creates a bigger problem.
3. Fighting dirty
When you do fight, fighting fair is crucial to keeping your relationship together. Cutting each other down and hurling insults escalate fights. Intentionally hurting each other with personal attacks instead of tackling the issues is a common yet rookie mistake. To fight fair, find the real reason behind the disconnect without throwing their issues, flaws and mistakes in their face. Starting a sentence with “I feel...” is always preferable to “You’re a...” or “You did...”
4. Shady behavior
Stop lying and keeping secrets if you want to keep your mate. It may be hard to admit the truth, especially if you have a good reason for keeping secrets buried. Embarrassment, shame and fear of being ridiculed or rejected can get the best of us. But your partner in life deserves to know who they’re dealing with. And they reserve the right to decide who they want to be with. Deception steals choice this from them and cripples their ability to make a well informed decision. Lying (directly and by omission) attempts to manipulate your partner’s behavior and feelings for you. It also erodes trust; a essential element of any relationship.
5. Venting to exes
Talking about your problems to exes or other third parties is a major contributor to relationship issues. Whether in person and online, having a standby ready to care for your emotional needs toes the line of infidelity. If you can’t talk to your partner about something important, respectfully consult a friend or reach out to a relationship counselor. But know you'll eventually need to speak to your partner. Your issues with each other can only be resolved with each other.
Obviously, if you’d like to keep your love alive, don’t get involved with other people. It may be an unspoken sense of entitlement to have someone, or several someones, on the side now and again to meet your needs or stroke your ego but this rips a hole in having a chance to ever form a union with your someone. In your love life, get rid of the extras and focus on your leading role.
Mature relationships hit a lot of ups and downs. Rookie moves can keep young and uninformed love turbulent for a long time. No matter how much you love someone, no union can survive these six relationship killing mistakes. Take control of your love and let it grow as you both do.
Georgia D. Lee is a University of Miami Alumna who seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium - black and white!