6 surefire ways to secure your marriage
Posted May 4
When you’ve found “the one” and are safely married to your dream come true that is only the beginning. To make sure this sacred union lasts, there are things you need to consider doing to ensure that it will.
1. Pay attention to your beloved
That means putting down your electronic device and letting your honey see that you prefer being connected to her/him more than your digital whatever. If you are constantly looking at your smart phone or tablet, then your mate is not going to feel valued by you. One such example of this was reported by a passenger sitting behind a couple on a plane. He said the husband was deeply engrossed in an online game and, even though his wife was rubbing his back and occasionally leaning her head on his shoulder, not once did he even look at or speak to her — the whole trip! She was crying out for his attention, and he ignored her the whole time. Pathetic! If you want your marriage to last, then pay attention to your spouse.
2. Brag about your mate
Too many spouses find some kind of weird pleasure in telling others about the shortcomings of their husband or wife. Stop it! Tell the good stuff. Brag about her/him to friends. Be proud of the love-of-your-life. Don’t be obnoxious or over the top about it, but let others know that you are pleased with the one you married. Say something like, “My wife made the best meatloaf last night. She’s an amazing cook. Yep, I’m a lucky guy!” Or “She just aced her microbiology test. She’s on her way to being an incredible doctor.”
Wives, you need to do the same for your man. These words of praise have a way of getting back to your sweetheart. So does the bad stuff, and that will hurt your marriage. Bragging about your mate will help secure it. Besides, it’s fun to do.
3. Enjoy the hugs and kisses
That means you fully participate. Never brush off a hug or kiss from your spouse. Accept it and move into it by putting your arms around him/her and responding with delight. When your spouse knows you enjoy these expressions of love it will cement your devotion to each other even more. Responding warmly will also ensure that your mate will feel no need to seek this kind of acceptance elsewhere.
4. Listen to your mates’ hopes and dreams
We all have them—things we hope or wish would happen. Maybe it’s a dream of a fun vacation or cruise, one that you, at this point, can’t afford. Maybe it’s a car they’ve always wanted, but beyond your budget. Maybe it’s a dream of starting a new business.
Listening to those desires without belittling them is an act of love. If a mate can pour out those feelings to a loving spouse it just feels good, even if they are out of reach. Talking about it can be fun. As you listen, you can respond with comments like, “That really would be fun. I hope it can happen sometime.” Or, “I know this means a lot to you. Maybe we could start saving up for it.” These are validating phrases that show you really care.
5. Go on a weekly date
Not with the kids. Try and keep the date to just the two of you, and maybe with another couple sometimes. It’s important to get away from kid responsibilities for an evening and go have a good time. This can be out to dinner, to a movie, or a concert. It can even be as simple as a walk in the park while enjoying an ice cream cone. It doesn’t have to be expensive. One couple we know enjoys a Sonic shake—after 8pm they’re half price. They, then, drive to a scenic spot and enjoy their shakes and favorite music while sipping away.
The important thing is to find a time the two of you can reconnect in a getaway situation. Take turns choosing what to do on these dates. Be spontaneous and willing to try a new adventure. Mostly, just have some fun together.
6. Be each other’s shoulder to cry on
Everybody is going to have bad days. We need to be able to come home and share our sorrows and disappointments with a loving spouse. Troubles are much easier to bear when we can share them with a trusted person. There is no other person more trustworthy than your spouse. That trust is built by keeping confidences. Be willing to listen to your sweetheart’s sorrow. You don’t have to make anything all better. Just listen. You don’t want him/her to seek someone else’s shoulder to cry one, which has proven to be an opener for an affair. Be the one your mate can always turn to for understanding and affection. This is one of those actions that helps secure your marriage.
There is nothing quite as satisfying as having a loving spouse by your side throughout all the days of your life. Try and do these 6 things, and you’ll be well on your way to making that happen.
Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships. See their new .99 e-book "Wake-Up Call: What Every Husband Needs to Know" on amazon.com. Their website is garyjoylundberg.com.