6 more secret reasons people cheat
Posted February 17
Cheating is unfortunately something a lot of people will experience in their lifetime. Whether doing the cheating or being cheated on, there are reasons why people cheat. Uncovering the story behind this devastating choice can alleviate some of the hurt. So here are six more secret reasons people cheat.
1. To force a breakup
Some people avoid conflict so much they can’t even face their partner when trying to leave. They can use cheating as an exit strategy in a few ways. Cheating with the intention of getting caught will compel their partner to confront and leave them, so the cheater won’t have to do it. Many people also start affairs to leave their current relationship. They’ll stay in an unhappy partnership until a new relationship forms. This is the “monkey bars” strategy; not letting go of one person until you’ve grabbed hold of another.
2. To get what’s missing in the relationship
Cheating is an undoubtedly crude way to get what you’re looking for in love. But sometimes the affection and attention someone needs isn’t available in their current situation. Whether this is reality or perception, some will replace the affection they think they’re missing from their partnership with affection from an affair. If your partner has stepped out it’s possible they felt ignored, rejected and unloved and dealt with this issue inappropriately.
3. To create closeness
Some people have come to learn that chaos in a relationship inspires passion. They start fights to stir emotions and eventually make up. This is the drama-reconciliation cycle. In this person’s eyes, cheating is one of many counterintuitive tactics they use to create closeness in their romance. The thought is, “I’ll show you that you could lose me, so show me you’ll hold me closer.”
4. To test loyalty
Some people have also been brought up with the wildly unrefined idea that cheating is necessary, expected and tolerated in relationships. It’s actually seen as a useful tool. The rationale is: you can’t really trust someone if you don’t test them. So this person will plan an affair, intentionally get caught or confess, then only think their partner worthy if they forgive and forget. It’s quite a sad state for both people, because they’re both victims of disturbed thinking by those they trusted. This generally is not an inborn trait; it's one that's taught by family and friends.
5. To gain control
Cheating is also a way for a partner who feels cornered and controlled to gain back some of their power. Some relationships have an imbalance of power because of income disparity, isolation from friends and family, or aggressive and critical attitudes. Cheating is a way to say, “I may be with you, but you don’t own me.”
6. To teach a lesson
Cheating can also be a way to punish bad behavior. A revenge cheat is the most common example; giving him a taste of his own medicine, as it were. But cheating is also a way to criticize other actions, like addictive behavior, excessive flirting, lying, stealing or being stingy with money. It’s not a tactful way to get your point across, but it does get their attention.
Cheating is not about you. It’s about the other person. What’s going on in their head, in their heart and in their life. You may want to make it personal and take the blame, but in the end whether or not someone decides to be faithful is up to them. Even if you weren’t the best partner, their infidelity was not your fault. And these six secret reasons for their cheating will hopefully help you see that.
Georgia D. Lee is a University of Miami Alumna who seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium - black and white!