6 keys to speaking his language
Posted December 12, 2016
Even though the men in our lives are technically speaking English, sometimes it is impossible to communicate with them. We talk and talk, but somehow they never listen, or if they do listen they don’t seem to understand. It is easy to blame this miscommunication (or lack thereof) on them...but maybe, just maybe, the miscommunication stems partly from us. It’s time for us to step up and learn how to speak the language of our men. Here's how:
Anchor the conversation
Men need something firm to grasp onto. If you just jump into a conversation talking about your day or something a friend said, he will think that’s what you want to talk to him about. State your point outright so there is no room for confusion. If you want to talk about who is picking Josh up from school, then open with, “we need to figure out who’s picking Josh up tomorrow” instead of talking about how busy your day is.
Men need you to be direct because they are direct. They mean exactly what they say, so when they say they are fine, it means they are fine; nothing else. So, when you say you are fine, they just assume you really are fine. If that's not the truth, be direct and say what you mean. Don't play the mind reading game with your mister.
While you can keep up with a long and semi-pointless conversation, he most likely has checked out if you keep jabbering on and on. If you are constantly talking about nothing, he'll assume you are talking just to talk. Talk less and he will naturally pay more attention to your words.
Give him time to respond
We tend to associate silence with negativity. If there is a pause in conversation we assume he feels awkward or that he is upset and has nothing to say. Women want others to instantly express opinions, but men aren't like us. Men are OK with silence and when they don’t answer right away, it doesn’t mean they are angry, sad or mad; it just means they are really taking the time to think about the conversation before throwing out an opinion.
Focus his attention
If your man is in the middle of something (like cooking a meal or on his phone) that is where his attention is. He probably isn't listening to you if his attention is somewhere else. When you really need to talk to him, make sure he is focused on the conversation.
Sit beside him
The face-off style of conversation puts men on the defensive automatically. They see you more as a threat or an opponent, so their reaction is based more on instinct rather than reacting to what you are actually saying or asking. While you may prefer face-to-face interaction, he may prefer side-by-side conversations. Catering to how he communicates best will let help you understand his language.
The language barrier between the sexes still exists, but with a little more understanding, we can break down that barrier. Communication will never be perfect, but these little tricks can help you and your husband get on the same train and leave the station, side by side.
Kelsey is a student at Brigham Young University studying to broaden her horizons through the written word. She loves the outdoors, family, car washes and punny witticisms.