6 keys to gain back the trust you lost
Posted March 10
Trust is a key component in a relationship. It takes a long time to build up trust, but it shatters very easily. The reason behind losing your partner’s trust could vary in severity, but no matter the cause for the mistrust, it will still destroy your relationship.
You breed distrust in your relationship when you cheat, continually break promises, don’t admit mistakes, say one thing and do another, share their secrets, rationalize hurtful or sarcastic comments and many other similar things. If you want to repair your relationship and win back the trust you once lost, pay close attention to the following six keys:
Understand the why
Ask yourself why you acted the way you did. You have to understand your actions, because there is generally an underlying reason for your actions. A reason you might not realize. You can’t explain your actions without first understanding them.
You need to ask yourself why over and over again. For example, let’s say you keep breaking your promise to take your significant other out to dinner.
Why did you break that promise? I was tired after work, like usual.
Why did you make the promise in the first place? I felt guilty for not spending time with him/her.
Why do you feel guilty? Because I know that he/she misses me, and I haven’t put in the effort.
Why haven’t you put in the effort?
Once you understand what you did and why you did it, it’s time to apologize.
Apologize to your love
Remember this is not an opportunity to point fingers- instead, this is the time to say sorry. A face to face conversation is the best way to go. When that is not possible, sit down and handwrite a note. In your apology you need to do the following things:
- Admit you made a mistake
- Say you are sorry
- Explain why you did it
- Allow your partner to ask questions
- Honestly answer the questions
- Ask for forgiveness
- Don’t expect everything to be alright right away
Become an open book
This is particularly important if you have cheated on your partner, or if you have tried to hide something from them. To get trust back, you may have to give up a little of your privacy. Don’t try to hide your computer screen, text messages or daily activities. This is not the time to create a surprise. You need to get trust back before a surprise date or present will be appreciated.
Any promise you make will need to be kept if you want to get your love’s trust back. If you make a small promise and said you would go to the mall, then go - even if you would rather be elsewhere. If you are married, consider doing a private vow renewal to remind your significant other of the big promises you have made. Your partner will start to open up more when you are consistent and reliable. Your actions will speak much louder than words.
Allow for time and space
It will take time to rebuild trust, but once you do, it can be stronger than ever. Give your partner some space to come to terms with everything you have shared and done. Perhaps things won’t work out, but there is a good chance that you can regain that trust.
Do the three As
Show your affection, appreciation and give attention to your partner. This will help strengthen the communication and emotional bonds between the two of you.
Your relationship will change forever after trust is broken, but it doesn’t need to be a bad change. Respond to any relationship difficulties with love. Show them you want to be together. You might feel like you are not progressing, but don’t give up. You can win back your partner's trust and, as long as you don’t break their trust again, you can be happy together forever.
Stacie Simpson is a journalism student. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.