6 alarming signs your love is dying
Posted April 24
Couples who attend therapy often complain about their partner's delusions and their own anger and pain, all of which are signs of dying love. To find the cure for a suffering relationship, couples must dig through all the emotions and pain to discover the value in their relationship.
The six most alarming signs of a relationship that is dying are listed below:
1. Punishment and scorn
A relationship is in trouble when the partners start putting blame on the other person for every mistake or problem. They start playing the guilt game by demanding the other person to apologize. Everything becomes a source of conflict and scornful phrases like these may be used:
“It’s the third night you slept on the couch. Admit it. You are avoiding me.”
“You are acting like an expert on this subject, when did you become one exactly?”
Relationships that are in critical condition are not gentle. The closeness that binds both parties together is extinguished. They wear armor made of cynicism, bitterness and pessimism that constricts them, controls them and makes them constantly defensive. Some common insults include:
“Of course I don’t care, what good would caring do?”
“I will not open myself up to you, only to be hurt again!”
"I'm not listening anymore, you're an idiot and always will be!"
3. Unresolved breakdowns
It’s normal for couples to disagree occasionally. Healthy couples view disagreements as a way of understanding their partner, and improving their relationship. On the other hand, couples in crisis tend to not solve their differences because they either they don’t know how, or they are more interested in “winning” a debate instead of trying to see the issue through their partner's eyes. Here are the most common expressions that accompany couples when they struggling:
"I will not discuss that subject with you. You don’t even try to understand where I’m coming from."
"You just see things from your point of view."
"You won. Are you happy now?"
4. Domain and control
When couples stop working together, hate takes over the relationship and there is a constant power struggle. Behaviors include screaming, violence or running away. The following phrases are common when someone wants to get the last word:
"Who let you make that decision, God?"
"I know I'm right and you're not going to convince me otherwise."
"You screwed up this time, do you think I'll actually give you another chance to ruin everything?"
"I'm taking over and there's nothing you can do."
Disillusions, heartache and disappointment can break trust, especially if they are unexpected or recurring. Vices, betrayal and empty promises destroy a person’s security and introduce mistrust in the relationship. Examples of phrases that depict mistrust include:
"I wanted to tell you, but I never could find the right time."
"I know I promised I'd stay home this weekend, but I can’t control my boss."
"Do I have to say that I love you every day?
"Grow up, OK?"
6. Chronic complaints
When your relationship is almost devoid of love, neither you nor your partner support each other. Everything is annoying and upsetting. Constant complaining isn’t helping. Behavior on either person’s end hasn’t changed and has created a wall between you. Your love is now buried beneath a mountain of anger, self-indulgence and victimization.
In this devastating scenario, some of these sharp and constant phrases used:
"Who wants to do it? And don’t even try to find and excuse."
"I told you not to try to fix it, now it's ruined for good."
"You should learn from your mistakes and not keep repeating the same stupid ones!"
Fixing a relationship is only possible when both partners want to reconcile their differences. If you are willing to fix problems, recognize error and get back on course, then there is hope.
The first step is to identify which behaviors have done the most damage and start unrolling the threads of the relationship. Start with one and you will find others.
Stael Pedrosa Metzger é escritora free-lancer, tradutora, desenhista e artesã, ama literatura clássica brasileira e filmes de ficção científica. É casada e mãe de dois filhos.