5 things your husband is deathly afraid to tell you
Posted June 16
He may be your knight in shining armor but that doesn’t mean he’s completely fearless. No matter how brave and amazing your man is there are still some things he is deathly afraid to tell you.
Here are 5 you may find surprising:
1. “I lost my job.”
If your husband is the sole provider for the household, losing a lucrative job could spell disaster for your family. Even if his income is moderate or you also provide financially for the family, when a man gets canned things can go wrong in the relationship very quickly. He may hide his unemployment from you by pretending to go to work when he is really out looking for another job. He may also take it as a mini vacation and enjoy his newfound freedom by indulging in leisure and recreational activities. All in all, it takes a brave man to admit right away he’s out of work. Take it as a blessing if he does. Your guy is more honest than many.
2. “I have a problem.”
Vulnerability can be difficult for a man who is used to being the rock for his partner. It can be uncomfortable to ask for support when he has always been the supporter. Whether his problem is emotional, health related, or even a budding addiction, your husband may not be brave enough to outright ask for help.
3. “I’m hurting.”
Likewise, when his affliction has evolved into serious turmoil your guy is a bit more likely to show distress. But not in the ways you would think. Men are more likely to become aggressive, argumentative or withdrawn when they are hurting.
They may say, “Why are you always bothering me?,” “This is your fault,” or “Leave me alone,” when what they really mean is, “I’m in pain and I need help.” If you can become good at interpreting these signs of distress you can head off an explosive or implosive episode before it damages your marriage.
4. “I’m attracted to someone else.”
Notwithstanding any real intention to leave, your guy will almost never tell you when he’s seriously attracted to another woman. And this is very dangerous for both of you. The best marriages need honest and open communication. So much so that it can survive the potentially embarrassing admission that your man has the hots for another woman.
It may not make sense on the surface, but if your guy can come to you with his feelings that means he trusts you enough to help him through his confusion. If he’s hiding it the secrecy may grow into an affair, because he feels like he can share who he is and everything he thinks and feels with this other woman, but not you. Only you can help him refocus on his marriage and assist in his abstinence from temptation. Don’t push him or his feelings away. And don’t invite shame or guilt into the admission. Make sure he knows you’re there and support him and you can work together to move past it.
5. “I’m bored.”
By the same token, a man who is bored in his marriage can feel a great sense of pressure not to come forward with his feelings. This will almost inevitably push him further away from his marriage. If he is allowed to feel bored, allowed to process his feelings openly, and allowed to come up with ways to get that spark back, you will both be all the better for it.
A man who loves you can have a hard time communicating his deepest feelings and insecurities. Failure in any aspect of the marriage can leave him feeling depressed but unable to share his vulnerability with you. Pain may come out as anger, secrecy, mistrust, accusation or isolation. So make sure you are doing what you can to create a safe environment for him to be soft and supported while he’s going through something.
Georgia D. Lee is a University of Miami Alumna who seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium - black and white!