5 things you LOVE about your partner that could actually DESTROY your relationship
Posted June 13
You should always give your significant other the benefit of the doubt, but oftentimes positive attributes come with a price. Be very aware of these possible negative side effects of the positive attributes you see in your significant other. Pay attention to any you see in yourself too, so you can correct them.
1. Low maintenance can lead to bad communication
A lot of people are after someone they enjoy being with, but that isn’t overly clingy. I am one of those people, but oftentimes an independent man or woman will be so comfortable alone that they’ll lack the ability to communicate effectively with the second person in a relationship.
Communication issues are the world’s leading cause of divorce- so make sure your partner talks to you. Make sure they’re willing to share their thoughts and feelings with you. They don’t have to be great at it, but they need to be trying.
Of course, it is totally possible to be in a low maintenance relationship and have excellent communication. Don’t assume all low maintenance people have this problem, but be aware of its existence. Communication problems aren’t difficult to identify. You know who you are.
2. On the other hand, high maintenance can indicate self-esteem issues
You might be the kind of person that loves to heavily invest (more so than an average relationship) in one person. This person spends virtually all of their time with you. They want your attention and you love to give it to them.
If this describes you, be aware that an attention-seeking partner may have serious problems with their self-esteem.
Oftentimes, like in children, attention seeking is a cry for help. Your partner may become dependent on you to the point where it becomes unhealthy for both of you. They may rely on you for constant affirmation that they’re enough.
Relationships like this often end very painfully. I’m sure you have friends that this has happened to. If you’re looking for someone to invest in, make sure they’re comfortable in their own skin before things get too serious.
3. The pacifist might be bottling things up
There’s a huge difference between arguing aggressively and arguing assertively. Some people try to opt out of both options and choose passivity instead.
Be careful if your significant other never argues. It could be a sign they’re harboring bitter feelings towards you or others. Bottling up bitterness is as destructive to the relationship as it is to the person holding all those feelings inside. The attempt at a passive approach to conflict can often lead to intense outbursts of aggression.
Not arguing can be a stepping-stone leading to grudges, distrust and a whole lot of suffering. Find someone who knows when to argue and when to hold their peace. Find someone who respects your opinion but has no problem voicing his or her own as well.
4. The funny one can be hard to take seriously
Everyone loves a great sense of humor. I love to be the funny one in a relationship, but I’ve been told it’s nearly impossible to have a serious conversation with me. Watch out for this.
If you’ve snagged a goofball, he/she may deflect serious conversations with a joke. Find someone well-rounded enough to know when to joke around and when to wipe that smile off their face.
Out of the 5 attributes listed, this is the easiest one to change. Call attention to the problem and help your partner to fix it.
5. The hard worker might be a workaholic
Working hard is a talent. Someone ambitiously driven towards success is one of the best attributes one can have, but there’s always a limit.
Be wary of someone that is constantly busy. Do they feel the need to always have something to do? Take a look at their planner. Is it full of more things to do than the person has time for? Help your partner recognize the importance of free time and recreation.
In the end, it comes down to priorities. When he/she is with you, are they really with you, or do you feel like a third wheel between your partner and a cell phone?
Look for someone that works hard, but knows how to compartmentalize responsibility in a healthy and fair way. If you’re constantly being put on the backburner, it may be time for a serious talk.
David Snell is a humor writer for the FamilyShare team. He's OK. Twitter: @e_snell