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5 things that are never OK in a marriage

Posted June 1

We all make mistakes.

Sometimes we forget a birthday or anniversary. Maybe you shrunk your partner's best sweater in the dryer. But we can usually recover and move on pretty quickly from these mistakes.

There are some things, however, that are never OK to do in a marriage. These lead to broken trust, hurt feelings and possible divorce. Here are five things that are never OK in a marriage.

Cheating

Let’s just put it out there that you should NEVER cheat on your spouse.

It is never OK. There is no situation that makes cheating acceptable. We all know it is wrong, so just don’t do it.

If you do mess up and make a mistake, tell your spouse. They have the right to know what is happening in their marriage. You can then work together to decide what the next step is in your relationship.

Giving the silent treatment

One important part of a successful marriage is open communication. If there is something wrong, talk about.

If your spouse is trying to communicate, don’t shut them out. Be willing to talk and discuss and eventually come to a solution. Giving the silent treatment is immature and stops progression.

In order to move past a problem, you have to talk about it and get it out before a resolution can be found.

Lying

When it comes to marriage, being open and honest with each other is essential. If your partner catches you in a lie, then they will have a hard time trusting you.

Without trust, your relationship is at risk of falling apart. How will your spouse know you are really staying late at work and not doing something else if you’ve lied in the past? It is hard to keep secretes from your spouse, so it is best to just not do it at all.

Withholding information is another form of lying. Make sure you are not leaving out important details. It is as bad as lying.

Expecting perfection

A lot of people go into marriage expecting bliss and perfection all the time. They get a rude awakening when they soon learn people are not perfect and spouses do disagree and argue.

If you continue to expect perfection from your spouse, it will foster frustration and hard feelings. Your wife may never be a master chef. Your husband may not ever be the handy man you hoped he would be. That’s OK.

Expecting your partner to master these skills or become eventually perfect is another problem. Love them for who they are, not for who you are hoping they will become. You will only be disappointed.

Holding a grudge

When someone makes a mistake in a marriage, it is important to talk about it, make up and move on.

If you hold a grudge and constantly throw that mistake back in your spouse's face, you cannot expect to have a happy marriage. Holding a grudge means you are not truly over what happened and are using it against them.

If they have sincerely apologized and tried to fix the issue, let it go. Otherwise it will eat you up inside.

These mistakes are easy to make, so make sure you are on the lookout for these traps. If you feel yourself doing one or more of them, speak up. Speaking with a marriage counselor is a great way to work on things that have happened or to prevent things from happening.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and keep communicating with your spouse about what is going on.

Megan Shauri graduated with a bachelors in Anthropology and a masters in Psychology. She lives in Orange County, CA and is a mother of twins. Contact her at Meganshauri@gmail.com

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